Posts Tagged ‘writing’

Previously on… Father Death (1)

1995

1

“We’re doing this. We’re really doing this,” Stu exclaimed through clenched teeth.

Billy strode in measured strides while Stu bounced and leaped beside him. Billy cast his eyes to the side to acknowledge Stu yet continued walking. Billy kept his breath steady to control his heart rate and the heat brewing below his skin. He tensed his muscles to maintain a nonchalant and placid exterior while he roiled beneath the surface.

“How do we choose someone?” Stu pressed, sweat gleaming along his forehead.

Stu’s voice agitated Billy and undermined his control, yet Stu was necessary. Billy pinched his molars together and held fast. He pulled his breaths deeper into his lungs.

Billy traced the perimeter of the town’s square until the sidewalk led them to the white gazebo perched on manicured grass. He turned to lean against the structure and looked back at the pedestrians moving down the street. Stu wrinkled his face at Billy, whirling to the mundane street traffic and back, searching for the answer.

“One of them?” Stu hissed, leaning into Billy’s ear.

Billy chuckled and smirked. He remained against the gazebo, allowing Stu to twirl beside him.

“What about Randy?” Stu suggested. “That prick drives us both crazy.”

Billy pursed his lips, considering.

“Plus, he loves your woman.”

Billy snapped harsh eyes up to Stu, and Stu looked away, wiping his hands on his jeans.

“Randy is too close,” Billy replied. “It can’t be someone we know that well. Too easy to be linked to us.”
“It’s not a very big town. We kind of know everyone.”

Billy glared at Stu until Stu shrugged. They both turned their eyes back to the sidewalk. Sheriff Burke and Deputy Dewey Riley stepped out of the Police Station. Sheriff Burke marched to his Jeep while Dewey chased his steps, asking a flow of questions Billy and Stu could not hear.

“I doubt we have to worry about them,” Billy chuckled softly.

“Ha! Not at all, man.”

The sun glinted off the Post Office door, flickering at the boys. Billy craned his neck to watch Maureen Prescott burst out into the sunshine. His body tensed at the sight of her, and he stopped breathing. He monitored Stu in his peripherals to ensure Stu did not register his reaction. Maureen’s dark, wavy hair flowed behind her as she strutted down the street. Her striped shirt left one too many buttons loosed, exposing her bare chest.

There she was: the bitch who had ruined his life. The coals of his anger blazed into flames inside his chest. The sweat prickled along his brow at the heat wafting inside him. He shuddered in his façade.

“Oh, look, there’s Sidney’s mom.” Stu planted his arm above Billy’s head and brought his mouth toward Billy’s ear, jutting his chin toward Maureen.

The boys watched as Maureen encountered Principal Himbry on the street. The two began talking, and Maureen reached out to touch Himbry’s forearm. She tipped her head back and laughed as she did. Then she passed a hand through her hair. Billy flexed his jaw until his teeth ground together to control himself.

“She’s at it again,” Stu said.

Billy licked his lips and pursed them tight, crossing his arms over his chest to bundle himself in his own containment. The rage roiled in his chest, tingled down his arms. Yet he waited. He glared at Stu in anticipation. Stu stared stupidly at Maureen for long and painful moments.

He needed Stu to pick her. It had to be her, but Stu needed to say it. Billy could not glance in Maureen’s direction without the nauseating anger strangling him, but he could not let Stu see that. Stu had to see nonchalance. Stu had to see Maureen as the perfect random choice.

Finally, Stu’s face exploded with inspiration. He turned his eyes back to Billy wide enough to burst. Billy released a small, relieved breath.

“Her!” Stu exclaimed, consumed by the entire word, embodied by the idea.

Stu snapped his neck between Billy coolly against the gazebo post and Maureen still caressing Himbry’s arm.

“Maureen Prescott?” Billy tempered his voice.

“Yeah,” Stu whispered, close and conspiratorial again. “I mean, look at her, man. We would be doing her a favor.”

“And every wife in town,” Billy scoffed.

“Exactly!”

Continued on… Father Death (3)

Christina Bergling

https://linktr.ee/chrstnabergling

Like my writing? Check out my books!

  • Followers – You never know who is on the other side of the screen. Followers is a mystery and thriller that blends women’s fiction with horror.
  • The Rest Will Come – Online dating would drive anyone to murder, especially Emma.
  • Savages – Two survivors search the ruins for the last strain of humanity. Until the discovery of a baby changes everything.
  • The Waning – Locked in a cage, Beatrix must survive to escape or be broken completely.
  • Screechers – Mutant monsters and humans collide in the apocalyptic fallout of a burned world. Co-authored with Kevin J. Kennedy.
  • Horror Anthologies

1994

“What’s your favorite scary movie?” Billy Loomis laced his hands behind his head as he reclined long on the red couch.

Stu Macher knelt before the television in front of Billy, shuffling through video cassette tapes. At Billy’s question, he stopped and turned with tapes stacked in his gangly fingers.

“How could you ask me something like that, Billy?” Stu said. “You know it’s A Nightmare on Elm Street.”

“You can tell a lot about a person by their favorite scary movie.” Billy cast his eyes toward the ceiling.

Stu turned back to the TV stand and continued to sift through tapes.

“Don’t start on that shit again,” Stu said. “You’re starting to sound like Randy.”

“Don’t compare me to Randy.”

Billy lifted his head from his hands and stared into Stu until Stu acknowledged the hard edge in the gaze. Stu immediately shrugged sheepish and focused on his task. Billy looked down his nose at Stu as he replaced his head on the pillow and resumed studying the ceiling.

“Aha! Found it!” Stu finally called, lifting the black rectangle over his head in victory.

“Took long enough,” Billy muttered as he pressed himself up to sit.

“I was going to find it. I knew it was here.”

Stu slid the tape into the VCR. The machine sucked it in, and the television screen above flickered before the movie played. The iconic and familiar notes of the theme song tinkled through the room. Stu lowered himself onto the second sofa, casting his eyes to gauge Billy’s approval.

Halloween.” Billy smirked as the jack o’ lantern flickered onto the screen.

“A classic. Pure slasher.”

Stu leaned forward and gathered up the heaping bowl of popcorn, shoveling sloppy handfuls toward his wide mouth. Kernels bounced from his lips and littered around his feet on the hardwood floor. He chewed loud and open-mouthed, the butter slicking his lips. On the screen, slasher vision peered through young Michael’s mask as he lifted the knife over his unsuspecting older sister.

“Do they ever say why Michael offs his sister?” Stu asked between chomps.

“They don’t really say, but you can also assume it is because she is fucking her boyfriend instead of taking him trick-or-treating.”

Stu nodded and continued chewing.

“The best reason is no reason, though. It is the scariest with no motive. Just a teeny, tiny psychopath.” A light flickered in Billy’s eyes, beyond the reflection of murder from the screen.

“I showed Casey this movie the other night.”

“Oh yeah?” The light dimmed in Billy’s eyes. He continued to watch the movie.

“Yeah.” A grin slithered across Stu’s buttered lips. “Went down on her when Jamie is in the closet. Scary movies always put girls in the mood.”

Stu vibrated on his cushion, waiting for Billy’s reaction. Still entranced by the scenes, Billy coolly slid toward the edge of the couch.

“Are your parents gone for the night?”

“My parents are gone for the week, man.” Stu lay along his couch, popcorn bowl perched on his belly.

“Again? Think they’ll miss a couple of beers from the garage?”

The idea broke across Stu’s face slow before his eyes beamed with mischief.

“Nah, my old man never keeps track.”

“Go grab us a couple,” Billy commanded.

The smile faltered on Stu’s face and flickered for an instant before he stretched it tighter.

“Yeah, man, I’ll be right back.”

Stu placed the popcorn on the table and vaulted over the couch toward the kitchen. Billy watched him move toward the garage door before leaning forward to pluck a couple kernels from the bowl. He chewed them slow as he watched Laurie Strode and her friends wander down the fall street in Haddonfield.

“So, Sidney Prescott, man.” Stu tumbled over the back of the couch and spilled beside Billy.

“Yeah.” Billy snatched a beer bottle from his hand.

“How’s that going? She seems a little…uptight.”

Billy turned cold eyes to Stu. Then the corner of his lip turned up.

“Just getting started. She’s like Laurie here.” Billy tipped his beer at the screen. “Inexperienced, shy, like any good final girl. Just needs someone to break her in.”

Stu laughed, stretching his tongue out past his chin as he did. Billy granted him a chuckle in return. They clinked bottles and turned back to the screen. The Shape moved through a dark Halloween night, stalking foolish teenagers.

“So, everyone knows Michael is the killer in Halloween. No mystery there,” Stu said. “And if the sequels are any indication, it’s pretty clear that Michael can’t die, so there has to be something supernatural at play.”

Billy shrugged and nodded as he took a swig.

“He could never pull it off in real life, though. It would be roadblocks, cops with guns, and back to prison or dead.”

“And what fun would that be?”

“Exactly!” Stu threw out his hand to punctuate the point.

“Anonymity would be the key in real life.”

“Yeah, man. Michael wears the mask, but everyone already knows it’s Michael.”

“The mask should really conceal your identity. And if you really wanted to throw them off, there should be more than one of you.”

Billy turned to Stu to watch his reaction. It blossomed across Stu’s features. His eyes widened first, below furrowed brows. Then his lips parted before twisting into a perplexed grin.

“More than one?”

“Think about it.” Billy leaned toward Stu and tilted his head to the side. “What if there was more than one Michael? The cops would never know what was going on. They could have him in one car, and he could be killing someone somewhere else. Laurie would never be able to get away.”

Stu’s eyes grew with his grin. He crouched toward Billy and propped himself on his knees.

“Multiple killers,” Stu mused.

“Posing as one killer,” Billy finished.

“Oh, man!” Stu slapped his knee and threw himself back against the cushions. “It’s brilliant. Why hasn’t it been done yet?”

Billy broke the stare, smacked his lips, and pushed back against the cushions.

“The slasher genre is dead. Everything just became endless, ridiculous sequels. One more ridiculous than the next,” Billy answered, pressing his bottle against his lips.

Stu mirrored Billy and leaned into his couch.

“Well, someone needs to do it. Bring the genre back!”

“Yeah, they do.”

A thin smile graced Billy’s lips as he turned his gaze back to Halloween.

“Oh, sick, I love this part!” Stu exclaimed. “When he hangs the guy from the fucking knife.”

Stu popped his eyebrows at Billy, goading a reaction. Billy flicked his glance over them and back to the television, beer bottle resting against his chin. Stu released a slow breath and watched Billy a beat longer. Stu looked down at the popcorn then back at Billy.

“How are things with your folks?” Stu asked in a quiet voice.

Billy’s jaw flexed as he closed his eyes.

“Why the fuck would you ask me that?” Billy narrowed his eyes on Stu.

Stu shrank back, raising his hands in surrender.

“Sorry, man. I just know it’s been….” Stu hesitated as Billy’s glare intensified. “Rough. You can stay here tonight if you don’t want to listen to them. You want another beer or something?” Billy remained immobile. “I’ll get you another beer.”

Stu fled Billy’s smoldering stare back to the garage. Billy’s eyes trailed him before swinging back to Michael Myers carving through Laurie’s friends. He glared at the television screen, almost through it, seeing the scenes more in his memories than through his eyes. His lips twitched along with the memorized screams and dialog.

“Where’s my beer?… Cute, Bob. Real cute… Come here, you fool…. Can’t I get your ghost, Bob? All right, all right. So, where’s the beer?”

Stu pounced over the couch again, sneakers slapping the hardwood in his landing. He planted the fresh beer bottles on either side of the popcorn bowl.

“OK, Billy,” Stu started, the wicked grin replaced on his cheeks. “I want to play a game.”

“Don’t be stupid.” Billy smirked. “What kind of a game?”

“Truth or dare.”

The curl dropped from Billy’s lips, and he leveled his face with Stu’s.

“I thought you were going to say movie trivia. Truth.”

Stu beamed and threw out his arms in excitement. Then he settled back to perch on the cushion.

“If this was your scary movie,” Stu started, “who would you kill?”

Continued on… Father Death (2)

Welcome to my Billy/Stu retelling of Scream (1996). Stay tuned for additional chapters to be released here! Obviously, I have no affiliation with the franchise. This is free, totally not for profit fan fiction.

Christina Bergling

https://linktr.ee/chrstnabergling

Like my writing? Check out my books!

  • Followers – You never know who is on the other side of the screen. Followers is a mystery and thriller that blends women’s fiction with horror.
  • The Rest Will Come – Online dating would drive anyone to murder, especially Emma.
  • Savages – Two survivors search the ruins for the last strain of humanity. Until the discovery of a baby changes everything.
  • The Waning – Locked in a cage, Beatrix must survive to escape or be broken completely.
  • Screechers – Mutant monsters and humans collide in the apocalyptic fallout of a burned world. Co-authored with Kevin J. Kennedy.
  • Horror Anthologies

It’s time. I’m ready to finally release my fan fiction project.

As you may recall, I was in a dark place last year (really, who wasn’t?). As a result of that or in addition to that, I hit the first real struggle in my writing since I started in elementary school. I feared I had fallen out of love with the craft, that it had been spoiled in my mind. So, for NaNoWriMo, I did a no-pressure passion project to reignite myself.

To do accomplish this lofty goal, I took myself back to where my love of horror began. My very first horror movie ever: Scream (1996).

Not to give too much away before I go and post the thing, I wrote the events of the first Scream movie (and a little extra) focusing on Billy and Stu.

So I’ve had this “book” since the end of November. But now it has been edited by someone other than myself, and I have decided to post it right here on this blog, just for fun. I couldn’t abide with it just rotting saved on a drive or in the cloud somewhere.

Now, I bring it to you. I hope to start posting chapters this week. I had fun with it and didn’t take it too seriously, so I would to hear how you think it lines up with the franchise. Come on, horror nerds, geek out with me!

Father Death is coming…

(And if you’re wondering about the title, “Father Death” is the name of the killers’ costume in the movie.)

Christina Bergling

https://linktr.ee/chrstnabergling

Like my writing? Check out my books!

  • Followers – You never know who is on the other side of the screen. Followers is a mystery and thriller that blends women’s fiction with horror.
  • The Rest Will Come – Online dating would drive anyone to murder, especially Emma.
  • Savages – Two survivors search the ruins for the last strain of humanity. Until the discovery of a baby changes everything.
  • The Waning – Locked in a cage, Beatrix must survive to escape or be broken completely.
  • Screechers – Mutant monsters and humans collide in the apocalyptic fallout of a burned world. Co-authored with Kevin J. Kennedy.
  • Horror Anthologies

Where am I now? Not dead, for one.

But more importantly, where am I with my writing plan and goals? This is an author blog, after all (or so I tell myself between sappy, self-indulgent posts). As you may recall, this was the agenda:

  • Get to the next milestone in the new story
  • Outline the restructure of the rewrite novel
  • Restructure the rewrite novel and write new scenes
  • While rewrite novel cools, edit fan fiction novel
  • Post fan fiction novel
  • Edit rewrite novel
  • Return to new story

Shockingly, despite all the efforts of my mind and body to derail me, I am currently working the third/fourth bullets.

I am in the midst of restructuring my rewrite novel, marching through the new outline, rewriting scenes, and adding new pieces as I go. And I am actually loving the work. The book is taking a new shape that I don’t hate, and I am enjoying being back in that world. I remain a touch salty about abandoning my initial vision, but I am making my peace as I see the potential in what it is becoming.

I also sent the fan fiction novel to an editor. I have it back now, so I just need to prep it to release here on this blog. I have an artist friend (anyone who follows me closely knows who) who might contribute some creepy visions to accompany the words. I believe my plan is to release it serially by chapter. Perhaps one per week. It might be more apt to wait until horror season or when the franchise releases another movie but… fuck it. This is a passion project, so it’s about me.

I feel good. I feel like I am regaining my stride, nothing like before this slump (crash/burn/near abandonment of the writing I’ve done since I could hold a pencil). However, I have accepted that I do not need to always be that vicious with my time. The pandemic changed my perspectives (a little) on time management, balance, and being busy.

My marketing and promotion has gone to shit though. Aside from trying to recapture my joy and there being no joy there and trying to find new avenues post-COVID, mostly I am lost in the algorithm-laden bullshit of social media. It is inordinately challenging to connect with people now, even more difficult to get traffic on posts without paying. It’s all content into the abyss. And I have not landed on an alternative yet. I have been spending so much time trying to rekindle my drive that I have not been able to cast a glance in that direction.

Problems for another day.

I am looking forward to having produced something to release into the world. Without the traditional publication process and formal requirements just makes it easier. I am looking forward to reshaping my rewrite novel and hopefully creating something better so I can find a home for it. Then I can return to my WIP novel and start fresh again.

Onward.

On an unrelated/related note, (I don’t want to jinx it but) I feel like I might be coming out of the recent heavy gloom. I don’t want to be faked out by a fleeting mania, but this feels more substantial. As if I have finally breached the surface and can breathe again.

Christina Bergling

https://linktr.ee/chrstnabergling

Like my writing? Check out my books!

  • Followers – You never know who is on the other side of the screen. Followers is a mystery and thriller that blends women’s fiction with horror.
  • The Rest Will Come – Online dating would drive anyone to murder, especially Emma.
  • Savages – Two survivors search the ruins for the last strain of humanity. Until the discovery of a baby changes everything.
  • The Waning – Locked in a cage, Beatrix must survive to escape or be broken completely.
  • Screechers – Mutant monsters and humans collide in the apocalyptic fallout of a burned world. Co-authored with Kevin J. Kennedy.
  • Horror Anthologies

Some recent reviews of my latest book Followers got me thinking… do characters have to be “good”? By this, I mean, do you need to consider the protagonist a good person or do you need to relate to or understand them to truly enjoy a book? Do they need to be the “good guy”? Do they need to do the “right” things? Do you need to see yourself (or what you would want to see in yourself) in them?

I think media has proven to us ad nauseam that flawed characters are compelling, from classic to modern literature (to movies, TV, video games, social media…). If characters did not make ill-advised decisions, how would we have conflict? But do we have to understand them? Do they have to be like us? Do they have to be sympathetic to be a successful character?

Where is that line?

Upon reflection, I find that I have mixed feelings on these questions (and the reviews). As a writer, I tend to avoid purely “good” characters. I don’t like good at all. I found my voice in creative non-fiction, and I am a deeply flawed person. That awareness of my flaws and defects translated to fiction. My writing is largely driven by the psychology and emotional experience of my characters, and for that to feel authentic, I feel compelled to include ugly truths.

In short, my characters aren’t real if they’re “good”.

I think real people are complicated and so too should characters be. I think they make awful decisions and mistakes. They hid and obscure unsavory parts of themselves. They behave in frustratingly human ways.

In Followers, I really pushed this idea. Sidney, my protagonist, is not a wholly sympathetic character. You meet her after she has ruined her marriage with infidelity. Then she soothes her insecurities by farming attention from online boyfriends. Did I mention she’s not the best mother either? Not savory characteristics but potentially real ones. Do Sidney’s flaws make her an unsympathetic character? Do the reader’s judgments of Sidney’s behavior color the rest of the story?

Sidney may be the most unsympathetic protagonist I have written, but she is not the first.

In Savages, my narrator is a whiny and traumatized reluctant apocalypse survivor. When she discovers a baby, she does everything possible to avoid caring for it to dodge her own painful memories. Who wants to root for someone who won’t help for a helpless infant?

In The Waning, captivity breaks Beatrix down slowly. The entire book is about her not reacting how she thinks she would, not fighting back the way she should. Her psychology and her will unravels. Can you keep fighting for someone who does not fight for herself?

In The Rest Will Come, online dating drives Emma over the edge, but she is obsessed with finding a partner and shallow in her pursuits. She tortures herself hunting for the perfect, hot, tall guy. Who wants the shallow girl to find the one and live happily ever after?

(Really selling my writing, aren’t I? haha)

All of these women, all of my protagonists are flawed if not fully unsympathetic. As a writer, I am drawn to them as my wounded little children. Their defects are what make them real and compelling to me.

Yet, on the other side of the page, as a reader, it is a different experience. Sometimes, a flawed character resonates with me perfectly and is brilliant. Yet other times, the character’s defects clatter against me off-tune, and it alienates me from the story. So… both? All of the time, a perfect or wholly “good” character turns me off immediately.

Perhaps the answer is empathy. Perhaps I tolerate the flaws and poor decisions and unsavory characteristics when I still empathize with the character. I do not even have to like the character, but I do need to understand and feel for them. Where is that line for me? I don’t necessarily know, but I can feel it when the book misses it.

Reading is a subjective experience. The same story and character can be read different by every single person. Every single person can prefer a different reading experience. I can think of many flawed and unsympathetic protagonists. Ones who have enthralled me and others who have irritated me. I wonder if my characters are unsympathetic to some readers or just not compelling enough to them to create the empathy necessary for those readers to go on the journey.

Is this a question of the wrong audience? Or should characters be universal enough to draw the reader into their world, seduce them into their flawed plight?

Ultimately, I would not change any of my characters. Sidney could not get in trouble with online stalkers if she wasn’t nursing her issues in cyberspace with terrible decisions. Emma could not find her homicidal tendencies if she did not suffer the consequences of shallow dating practices. Not only are my characters built on their annoying faults but so are the plots.

So what do YOU need in your characters? Do you need “good” people? Do you need to relate to and understand the characters to care about them? What makes a character work for you?

Who are your favorite unsympathetic protagonists? The best train wrecks from whom you cannot look away? If you like flawed characters, I clearly have a few to offer you…

Christina Bergling

https://linktr.ee/chrstnabergling

Like my writing? Check out my books!

  • Followers – You never know who is on the other side of the screen. Followers is a mystery and thriller that blends women’s fiction with horror.
  • The Rest Will Come – Online dating would drive anyone to murder, especially Emma.
  • Savages – Two survivors search the ruins for the last strain of humanity. Until the discovery of a baby changes everything.
  • The Waning – Locked in a cage, Beatrix must survive to escape or be broken completely.
  • Screechers – Mutant monsters and humans collide in the apocalyptic fallout of a burned world. Co-authored with Kevin J. Kennedy.
  • Horror Anthologies

Crossroads

Posted: March 28, 2022 in writing
Tags: , , , ,

I find myself at a crossroads with my writing. Three options, three projects lay before me. Likely, I will eventually pursue all three, but each are deep and labor-intensive. I need to decide where to allocate my energy. I need to determine priority and select a focus.

The Not-Done Novel

After Followers, I quickly completed a new novel. And, for the first time, the story was not in the horror genre. Problematically, that left me completely disorientated on genre.

I drafted the book, revised it, worked it through beta readers, polished it. Then I decided it would be the first book I would query to agents to get published.

I got rejected by 50 agents. (Ouch.)

Clearly, something was wrong with the submission–either the query or the story, or both.

I decided the best way to troubleshoot would be to engage an editor, which, in hindsight, I honestly should have done before querying. I have worked with editors during the publication of all of my previous novels. However, this was my first editing experience pre-publishing contract.

The editor’s decimated the book I thought I was complete (a whole other post on that). To summarize: rewrite. Now, I am left with substantial substantive changes to make.

These proposed modifications present me with the opportunity to return to the world I built and the characters I created. I loved living in them during the initial creation and edits. I could break apart my story and puzzle the pieces into a new configuration. While daunting, I am inspired and challenged by some of these possibilities.

Ideas are perculating.

The Therapy Project

Last NaNoWriMo, I ventured into fan fiction to resuscitate my love for writing. I was able to locate my spark and also complete a short novel in the Scream universe.

The story remains where I left it after the sprinting first draft, so it is still quite raw. But now, what to do with it?

There will never be any formal publication. Do I let it wither and die in a file in some subfolder on my hard drive? Do I give it a polish and post it in serials on my blog?

My inclination is, of course, to release it. To do so, I would need time to clean it up and prepare it, especially through the lens of the latest chapter in the movie franchise. I also would love to have some art to post with it.

The Shiny New Toy

Shiny! So shiny. The new project is usually the most seductive and compelling.

I wrote about Scream in November to loosen my inspiration after all the rejection of my new novel (and life drama). It worked, and a new story idea surfaced between my lumpy grey lobes.

I have been massaging this story slowly over the past few months. Outlining and throwing down words when I feel like it. No pressure compared to how I usually work.

The story is not pouring out of me like some are want to do (Savages, “Freaks”, some of The Rest Will Come, “Malignant”, “Santa’s Workshop”…). However, it does take shape and flow nicely once I hit my stride. I am straddling between a planned outline and winging it. I know where I want to go, and the details are sharpening as I meander through the scenes.

I am allowing myself to establish the foundation in a broad stroke before painting in the finer points. This is how it always works, yet I am being more deliberate about skimming through the first pass this time, getting the basics established to build on. We will see how the strategy plays out.

The writing has been no pressure and pleasant. I enjoy building the world and forming the characters. Writing fresh is always my favorite part of the process. Obviously, this is the most appealing option, so equally obviously, it is the one least advantageous to pursue first.

The Direction

So which way to go? The arduous journey of reworking an entire book? The stalling edit that would yield a series of blog posts? The fresh and new story just getting started?

My heart, speaking based on what I enjoy the most, would say 1. new story, 2. fan fiction posts, 3. novel rewrite. However, my brain, considering what would be smartest and most productive or advantageous would say the complete opposite.

I think I have settled on the following (tentative) plan as a compromise, favoring the pragmatic brain:

  • Get to the next milestone in the new story
  • Outline the restructure of the rewrite novel
  • Restructure the rewrite novel and write new scenes
  • While rewrite novel cools, edit fan fiction novel
  • Post fan fiction novel
  • Edit rewrite novel
  • Return to new story

I get a little of everything I want and continue moving forward. Will it work? Maybe. Will I stick to the plan? Maybe not. But it is worth a try. It is better to have three options than none.

Christina Bergling

https://linktr.ee/chrstnabergling

Like my writing? Check out my books!

  • Followers – You never know who is on the other side of the screen. Followers is a mystery and thriller that blends women’s fiction with horror.
  • The Rest Will Come – Online dating would drive anyone to murder, especially Emma.
  • Savages – Two survivors search the ruins for the last strain of humanity. Until the discovery of a baby changes everything.
  • The Waning – Locked in a cage, Beatrix must survive to escape or be broken completely.
  • Screechers – Mutant monsters and humans collide in the apocalyptic fallout of a burned world. Co-authored with Kevin J. Kennedy.
  • Horror Anthologies

On Being Edited

Posted: March 9, 2022 in writing
Tags: , , , , , ,

So after Followers and during a pandemic, I wrote another novel. Spawned from a blend of world events and inspiration from random history articles, this story took me out of the horror genre for the first time since I started publishing my work. This story also flowed out of me like Savages, and I felt very strong about it. When I started editing and reworking it, I didn’t change much.

Insert red flag.

Then, when I thought it was ready, it got universally rejected. I know every parent thinks their baby is adorable, but even I could understand that this meant something was wrong with my creation. So, for the first time, I turned to an independent editor outside a publishing house.

I have worked with editors before (on all my published works), and I always use beta readers in my drafting process. Yet this is the first time I have interacted with the editor prior to the submission acceptance and outside the publishing process. Call it a new author experience for me. My authoring career is evolving, and I can hitch this on to the dreadful agent querying process.

My book clearly needed help, so I asked around and got recommendations for an independent editor. I sent her my raw, trembling, little baby, and she (and an associate) went through it before providing me an editorial letter of feedback. Standard process, as I understand it.

OUCH!

It is what I asked for. It is what I needed. But damn, it stung.

With my previous books and stories and my other editors, we have worked my pieces over very collaboratively. However, they have never ripped any apart or suggested severe rewrites. In short, I have been spoiled. I have been pushing my boulders up gentle hills and have just now encountered my first mountain.

Currently, I am in the “processing the feedback” stage. I have the editorial letter, and I am digesting the many ideas therein. Next, I will meet with the editor(s) to discuss and brainstorm. Then the fork in the road–what to do? I will need to decide whether to pursue the story, and if I do, I determine what changes to make to it.

Insert heavy sigh weighed down by how daunting this all seems. Didn’t I just finish this book?

My initial emotional reaction was, with so much feedback, was there was anything redemptive in my book? If the plot and the characters and the names and everything need to change, is the story even worth salvaging? Is it really only the idea that survives? Honestly, these insecure pangs still nibble at the back of my brain as I mull it over.

As I am processing the ideas and they are cooling, the sharp edges are blunting. The looming shadows are scaling down so they no longer blot out the sun and I can see over them. Critiques are gradually reshaping into possibilities. If I can remain pragmatic, I can use this arrangement as intended to improve and evolve my story, to level it up into something an agent will accept.

This is not my first critique and far from my most brutal. This is not new territory. However, I feel like I have been coasting for a while, sneaking by in a sweet spot that did not force me to confront my shortcomings.

As I type this, I know that is what I need to do and also what I will end up doing. My feelings have just not caught up yet. My emotions are wounded and tangled on any part that hurts. Based on rejection on so many other fronts, this just seems to deepen the wound. My brain seeks out the confirmation for the pain. As I work my way through it with this words, I see that what I feel isn’t even really about the book or the editorial feedback.

I had finally pulled myself out of a writing slump and dumped myself into a new story. This has knocked me out of that groove. This has me questioning my writing, my quality.

Unfounded, I know. This is part of it, I know. But feelings are feelings.

I need to remember that I do not always need to be accomplishing something. I can rewrite my novel at my leisure. There is no deadline. I can return to my new WIP whenever I want. It is not going anywhere. It is OK to take the time and take the breaks. It is better to get it right and make it better. I do not understand my own urgency, but I need to undo it.

Deep breath… Next step…

Christina Bergling

https://linktr.ee/chrstnabergling

Like my writing? Check out my books!

  • Followers – You never know who is on the other side of the screen. Followers is a mystery and thriller that blends women’s fiction with horror.
  • The Rest Will Come – Online dating would drive anyone to murder, especially Emma.
  • Savages – Two survivors search the ruins for the last strain of humanity. Until the discovery of a baby changes everything.
  • The Waning – Locked in a cage, Beatrix must survive to escape or be broken completely.
  • Screechers – Mutant monsters and humans collide in the apocalyptic fallout of a burned world. Co-authored with Kevin J. Kennedy.
  • Horror Anthologies

“Did you miss me?” she said into the abyss.

I have been out of it as far as writing, posting, connecting. What happened to me?

Christina Bergling

https://linktr.ee/chrstnabergling

Like my writing? Check out my books!

  • Followers – You never know who is on the other side of the screen. Followers is a mystery and thriller that blends women’s fiction with horror.
  • The Rest Will Come – Online dating would drive anyone to murder, especially Emma.
  • Savages – Two survivors search the ruins for the last strain of humanity. Until the discovery of a baby changes everything.
  • The Waning – Locked in a cage, Beatrix must survive to escape or be broken completely.
  • Screechers – Mutant monsters and humans collide in the apocalyptic fallout of a burned world. Co-authored with Kevin J. Kennedy.
  • Horror Anthologies

A New WIP

Posted: January 20, 2022 in writing
Tags: , , ,

Starting a new story or a new project is like dating someone new. The process is fresh and unencumbered. It is pure and charged with infatuation. The story may linger in your mind each day like the traces of a new lover from the night before who carved new pathways on your nerves.

You want to live with that story, spent every waking moment staring into its very soul, even though you’ve only just met. Through the sleek, glowing filter of fascination, your story is perfection–no holes, no rough edges. It fills your mind, so it must saturate the page just as easily.

In that fleeting and torrid introduction, things can be simple.

Then reality creeps up behind you, casting a shadow over you, blotting out that rosy aura around your story. The words cool on the page long enough to crystalize into disfigured shapes. The hard edges require polishing. Business and purpose trail on the heels of reality, pushing incessant whispers of all that needs to be done.

Weight packs into your arms as you massage the words, into your head as you work and rework the plot holes. The light around your story flickers and dims, exposing the withered creature as it reduces down to black letters on a glowing page. A fascinating place becomes a jumble of nouns and verbs and too many adjectives.

You read the words over and over until they lose all meaning, until you have run the line of the story in your brain smooth. Then they bind the words and say it has finally taken on a life of its own.

***

After fan fiction therapy in November, I have started an original novel again. Though I have written a short or two, I have not worked on a book since Green Eyes, and querying Green Eyes and releasing Followers took a toll on my inspiration.

Yet that gap has given me more appreciation for this honeymoon stage of creation. Writing is, after all, my favorite part of writing. After losing my way for a depressive bit, I am happy to wallow in this phase for a while.

What am I writing? Well, all I will say is I am back to my horror genre…

Christina Bergling

https://linktr.ee/chrstnabergling

Like my writing? Check out my books!

  • Followers – You never know who is on the other side of the screen. Followers is a mystery and thriller that blends women’s fiction with horror.
  • The Rest Will Come – Online dating would drive anyone to murder, especially Emma.
  • Savages – Two survivors search the ruins for the last strain of humanity. Until the discovery of a baby changes everything.
  • The Waning – Locked in a cage, Beatrix must survive to escape or be broken completely.
  • Screechers – Mutant monsters and humans collide in the apocalyptic fallout of a burned world. Co-authored with Kevin J. Kennedy.
  • Horror Anthologies

I don’t know how I feel about summarizing this past year–2021. In some bizarre time anomaly that is the current state of things, it simultaneously feels like I was just reluctantly typing my 2020 in Review and as if 2021 alone spanned five normal years. I am not sure how time can sprint by in a blur while raking in painful slow motion. Yet, here we are.

2020 was simple and easy to review. It was shit. 2021, however, was more complicated as so much continued to be messy and challenging while other components attempted to limp back toward “normalcy.” I found myself weak and damaged.

Floundering is a good word that comes to mind. Yet I did flounder through, and when I look back from a more pragmatic hindsight, I can see progress, accomplishments, and healing mingled with my struggles.

When I compare 2021 to 2020, I can truly appreciate the highlights. Right now (and in this post), I am choosing to focus on the highlights.

Followers Release

Perhaps the largest highlight of my year was the release of my fifth book, Followers, by Crystal Lake Publishing.

Crystal Lake Publishing was a pleasure to work with, especially in challenging times when I could not celebrate or promote a new novel in ways I have in previous years.

Followers is a novel that allowed me to question and play with themes and concepts that have come up during my time in the horror genre. It also got me to stretch and grow writer muscles. I feel like I took a step forward with this book. And it makes me want to take another. (I think I did with my yet unpublished WIP, and I stand poised for another with the next I plan to start.)

Publication is always an accomplishment for an author.

Telluride Horror Show

Telluride Horror Show was back in person this year! Vaccinated and masked but in Telluride!

After traveling next to none in more than a year prior, it felt so good to go somewhere. It was comforting to be in one of my favorite places. Even with the precautions, the event maintained itself. Most of the festivities were able to happen unchanged or simply migrated outdoors.

There was no more appropriate time to go than right after releasing Followers since I included the Telluride Horror Show in the book. While writing and editing and reading and re-reading Followers, I had been dying to walk to streets of Telluride again.

It was the vacation I needed.

And of course, we snuck in an amazing winter hike. Because one cannot survive on horror movies and booze alone… right?

NaNoWriMo

Yes, I returned to the challenge, the torment, the sprint for a second year. Last year, I used the National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo – 50,000 words in one month) challenge to complete my novel Green Eyes. A novel I am still working and querying a year later.

This year, I was struggling with my relationship with the craft. I wanted to use NaNoWriMo to find my way back to my passion for writing. I wanted to strip away all the collateral parts of writing–the querying and editing and publishing and promoting and marketing–and return to just the act itself. So I turned to a genre I have never attempted, fan fiction.

Fan fiction can never be published for profit, due to copyright infringement. Since I could never do anything with the story, there was no pressure in writing it, just the creation of the story, just the pure act.

So I took my first and one of my favorite horror movies: Scream. I focused on the original movie from the perspective of the killers, with some before and after. I watched Scream a bunch of times and combed through the script. It was an experience, and it accomplished the goal.

I don’t know that I’ll ever do anything with Father Death. I have mused on polishing it up and posting it to this blog. However, it was fun to compose and brought me back to wanting to write again.

Now, I just have to wait and see how it aligns with Scream 5.

High School Speaking

Odd and out of character, one of my favorite author things to do is speak at schools. During lockdown, I even did it over Zoom. But I did miss it, especially during spooky season when everyone wants to talk about horror.

This fall, I got to return to one high school and talk to classes all day long. There were a lot of masks and distance involved, and the pandemic has definitely changed how students behave and interact, but I loved it just the same.

At these sessions, one of the teachers read one of my pieces to the auditorium. It was multiple layers of surreal. Reading my own work aloud is always a trip, but having another person read as I listened and watched the reactions added another layer.

It was not the same as when I have visited before the pandemic, but the world is not the same. We cannot expect things to snap back when years have passed and so much has happened. So instead of noting the differences, I appreciate how fun it was.

Metal Fusion Dancing

One thing that is better, that I do more of since the pandemic is performing, which seems odd. My metal fusion dancing is unrelated to writing. However, it does share a lineage with my love of horror. I often include horror themes, props, or imagery in my performances. For example, Pennywise or fake blood.

I used to dance and perform constantly with my troupe in Tennessee/Georgia. However, it has been slow returning to the activity since moving home to Colorado. I began finally dabbling and finding my way back to the stage preceding the pandemic and lockdowns. Yet as things have opened back up, I have found more opportunities, producers, and shows. I am seeing more traction.

I also continued to dance with my Southern troupe over Zoom and joined an online metal collective. So dance is firmly rooted back in my life.

Onward…

It would be inauthentic to gloss over the depths of my depression in the past year or the ripples my struggles are still sending through my days. However, that darkness does not mean the entire year has been dark. There were plenty of highlights and joy. The best way to keep my head above the waves is to keep my eyes on those points of light and remember the tide will swell and recede.

So it is onward into another year. No resolutions. No expectations. Just the ambition and hope to continue progress and recovery and hopefully grow the ratio of highlights versus darkness.

Christina Bergling

https://linktr.ee/chrstnabergling