Posts Tagged ‘writing’

Surviving 2023

Posted: January 2, 2024 in real life
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I would open by commenting on what a rollercoaster of a year 2023 was. However, saying that four years in a row now takes the impact out of the sentiment. 2023 was a lot, but it appears this is just the tone since 2020.

Last calendar year concluded with me freshly hairless and mired in autoimmune and medical issues. That adventure devoured a lot of this year too. However, I saw progress in treatment and coping, shifting it from something smothering me to something standing menacingly beside me.

I have hair regrowth. I don’t feel like shit every moment I’m awake. Gladly, I take these victories.

In all honesty, health issues and other losses were consuming for a long time. Writing and even more the business of being an author took a backseat to survival.

And much of it was survival. More so than I was willing to acknowledge at the time. On the other side of the storm, I can truly see how dark the clouds were.

Yet I still accomplished things. Part of it was therapeutic. The rest might have been compulsion.

I did get published this year:

“Hairs” is a special piece. I poured in all my Alopecia pain and trauma and made it horror (as if it wasn’t already). It was cathartic, and I needed it.

What I want, however, is another published novel. Not this year. I have three novels written–in various stages of editing. This is largely because I escaped into writing. I lived in the story then plunged into the next without a breath or a glance so I didn’t have to feel my life.

Again, survival.

With this editing backlog, I did skip NaNoWriMo this year. Since I was more functional by November, I repurposed the time for editing–NaNoEdiMo. It was ridiculously more challenging to quantify content reviewed and reworked versus pages written. I set my goal to go through two of my WIP novels–and I made it!

That progress leaves Invisible Girls ready for final polish (though I still have doubts about querying it), Monster Lane (for which “Opportunity” is a prequel) ready for critique group, and Savages 2 next in line.

Nothing may be “done”, but the progress must be acknowledged.

Now, I find myself torn. I want to write new works (I have a short and a novel knocking at my brain), but I need to get these WIPs out. And I’m not very good at alternating between the tasks.

I just end up with three unedited novels.

Perhaps the largest accomplishment of 2023 is that now, finally I feel capable of working again. I wrote, and I edited. Next, I can find my way back querying and promoting.

I had to set much aside and give myself a lot of grace to make it through the last year (+). What I find now is the optimism to be able to do more than just survive.

Christina Bergling

https://linktr.ee/chrstnabergling

Like my writing? Check out my books!

  • Followers – You never know who is on the other side of the screen. Followers is a mystery and thriller that blends women’s fiction with horror.
  • The Rest Will Come – Online dating would drive anyone to murder, especially Emma.
  • Savages – Two survivors search the ruins for the last strain of humanity. Until the discovery of a baby changes everything.
  • The Waning – Locked in a cage, Beatrix must survive to escape or be broken completely.
  • Screechers – Mutant monsters and humans collide in the apocalyptic fallout of a burned world. Co-authored with Kevin J. Kennedy.
  • Horror Anthologies

Tales from the Drive-in: Post CoFoH Podcast

Posted: October 19, 2023 in film festivals
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Last month, I went to Colorado Festival of Horror and made some friends! Listen to us talk about the festival, horror in general, and my writing!

Christina Bergling

https://linktr.ee/chrstnabergling

Like my writing? Check out my books!

  • Followers – You never know who is on the other side of the screen. Followers is a mystery and thriller that blends women’s fiction with horror.
  • The Rest Will Come – Online dating would drive anyone to murder, especially Emma.
  • Savages – Two survivors search the ruins for the last strain of humanity. Until the discovery of a baby changes everything.
  • The Waning – Locked in a cage, Beatrix must survive to escape or be broken completely.
  • Screechers – Mutant monsters and humans collide in the apocalyptic fallout of a burned world. Co-authored with Kevin J. Kennedy.
  • Horror Anthologies

Telluride Horror Show 2023

Posted: October 18, 2023 in film festivals
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I just got home from my 7th Telluride Horror Show (yes, I’m counting the 2020 fest streamed from home during the pandemic). A younger, drunker Christina used to cram in every possible screening and skid out of the weekend on her face the shell of a human. This old, post-illness, recovering Christina took an more moderate approach. But even with uncharacteristic rest and self-care, I did manage nine movies over three days.

And I had a great time.

The Movies

Favorite of the Fest

I attended my first Telluride Horror Show in 2017, and Never Hike Alone premiered there on that Friday the 13th. I loved the movie and started following and backing Womp Stomp Films. I had been watching hoping to see the sequel grace Telluride again. When another Friday the 13th premiere was announced, I was ecstatic.

It did not disappoint.

Never Hike Alone 2 takes threads from Never Hike Alone and Never Hike in the Snow and ties them up in a gruesome little bow, delivering the splatter we want with added depth. Never Hike Alone is a narrow narrative that brings us back to Camp Crystal Lake with foolish solo hiker, Kyle. In Kyle’s misadventure, Tommy Jarvis reenters the scene. Then in Never Hike in the Snow, the world expands, stepping back to before Kyle and an earlier murder, painting a picture of what serial loss does to families and the community over decades. Never Hike Alone 2 then hands the narrative baton from Kyle to Tommy. We see a chunk of the events in Never Hike Alone from Tommy’s perspective, weave in the grieving mother from Never Hike in the Snow, then jam on for a bloody climax.

Loved

If this year’s films had common theme, it could easily be “bad shit happening to children”. I don’t know what the fact that two of my favorites were the worst offenders says about me. But the Horror Show came hard for one of the remaining taboos in horror.

When Evil Lurks

In 2018, I saw Terrified at Telluride Horror Show. Loved it. This year, Demián Rugna returned with When Evil Lurks. Like Terrified, this is another story involving demonic possession. However, the manifestation and the world it happens in are different, unique. The movie starts twisted and depraved before punching the audience right in the throat. It got a touch shaky toward the end but not enough to unravel the story.

The Coffee Table

THE talk of the fest.

The Coffee Table is billed as a black comedy. NOPE. It is just black. Black, oppressive discomfort that captivates you in every frame. I kept waiting for the tilt, the turn into comedy, but it never came. However, the film is so well made, so compelling that I ultimately did not need it. I was unpacking it through my nightmares and into the next morning.

Infested (Vermines)

Arachnophobia traumatized me as a child. Scenes of spiders under toilets and in bowls of popcorn still live in my mind rent-free. Which is why I had to go see Infested. While the ending got a little loose and the commentary a little clunky, it is a fun watch. I jumped; I cringed; I imagined my earrings were little spider legs.

Liked

Not every movie punched me right in the feels (or stomach). Plenty of them were entertaining without being perfect.

Where the Devil Roams

I have been following Adams Family Pictures since The Deeper You Dig and Hellbender at previous Telluride Horror Shows and again at Six Feet Under Horror Film Festival. I adore their dark, quirky style and adorable family. Yet Where the Devil Roams didn’t land as well for me. While the filmmaking and effects have evolved, the storytelling is a bit convoluted. I spent too much time being confused.

Frogman

Frogman is wild. It is apparent that the filmmakers are new to found footage in the amount of shaking and static applied. While the movie could benefit from an aggressive edit, the characters have great chemistry, and it is a super entertaining watch. When you can keep your eyes onscreen.

Suitable Flesh

There is nothing like a Lovecraftian body swapping tale. I forgave a lot of ridiculousness because the events happen in Arkham. Suitable Flesh is not a watch for quality but instead for wild, spinning sex scenes and gratuitous violence.

Eh

While every movie was not a hit for me, none where a total miss either. I didn’t see anything I hated. However, there were some for which I had critiques.

If the fest had a secondary film theme (besides child trauma), it would have been continuity issues. Multiple films came to wobbling conclusion violating their own rules or leaving something unexplained or just ending.

It’s a Wonderful Knife

Christmas for Halloween is always rough, but there is often a holiday movie at the fest. It’s a Wonderful Knife plays off (surprise, surprise) It’s a Wonderful Life with a slasher twist. However, the movie comes across a bit sloppy and Hallmark-y. It is a bit disappointing after seeing Tragedy Girls from director Tyler MacIntyre.

Vincent Must Die

Vincent Must Die has a great premise. People just start randomly assaulting Vincent with building violence. However, it seems like the filmmakers didn’t know how to consummate that idea. By the end, I felt like they were trying to say something significant and I had just missed it.

The Fest

Telluride is GORGEOUS! The weather year to year is really roulette, but this year, we landed on perfect, idyllic autumn. Abundant sunshine (according to my weather app), aspen leaves so bright they looked on fire, even temperate nights.

We went on our annual hike, this time selecting a loop around Mountain Village. For being a “popular” trail, it was horribly marked, and it took three apps to navigate us successfully. Since we started at the mid-point of the gondola, it included a bizarre trek through the village, shops, construction zones. However, it was gentle and beautiful. I feel more intimately familiar with Telluride now that I have hiked up grassy blue runs and over frozen snow machines. Like being behind the scenes of the resort.

At this point, this pilgrimage is steeped in tradition with our “family”. I have been going to the Horror Show long enough that our annual trip feels like home. We know the places. We have tips and tricks. I have friends and connections who I look forward to seeing each year.

With explosive growth over the years and post-COVID, the culture of the Telluride Horror Show is changing. Everyone is still super nice. Filmmakers are still very accessible. It is just less rowdy. Gone is the wall-to-wall mass of humans at Last Call, fogging up the bar windows. Tamed are the late night screenings, cheers and whoops exchanged for more pious observation.

Telluride Horror Show is growing up. The same part of me that misses drinking misses the more rambunctious energy. But the same part of me that requires sobriety realizes this is probably for the best.

Christina Bergling

https://linktr.ee/chrstnabergling

Like my writing? Check out my books!

  • Followers – You never know who is on the other side of the screen. Followers is a mystery and thriller that blends women’s fiction with horror.
  • The Rest Will Come – Online dating would drive anyone to murder, especially Emma.
  • Savages – Two survivors search the ruins for the last strain of humanity. Until the discovery of a baby changes everything.
  • The Waning – Locked in a cage, Beatrix must survive to escape or be broken completely.
  • Screechers – Mutant monsters and humans collide in the apocalyptic fallout of a burned world. Co-authored with Kevin J. Kennedy.
  • Horror Anthologies

“Hairs” – Reading Body Horror

Posted: October 3, 2023 in horror anthologies, real life, writing
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I’m back! I have been avoiding the camera since losing my hair. But here I am, reading horror I wrote inspired by said loss. It then, of course, gets so much worse.

You can read my short “Hairs” in its entirety for free at the 96th of October.

Christina Bergling

https://linktr.ee/chrstnabergling

Like my writing? Check out my books!

  • Followers – You never know who is on the other side of the screen. Followers is a mystery and thriller that blends women’s fiction with horror.
  • The Rest Will Come – Online dating would drive anyone to murder, especially Emma.
  • Savages – Two survivors search the ruins for the last strain of humanity. Until the discovery of a baby changes everything.
  • The Waning – Locked in a cage, Beatrix must survive to escape or be broken completely.
  • Screechers – Mutant monsters and humans collide in the apocalyptic fallout of a burned world. Co-authored with Kevin J. Kennedy.
  • Horror Anthologies

“Hairs” – Short Story Release

Posted: September 4, 2023 in horror, writing
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Losing my hair last year was traumatic. Even with the medication coursing through me and hair slooooooooowly returning, it is still every day. Waiting for me in the mirror.

I write horror because that is what comes out of my brain. Nightmares and worst case scenarios. To no surprise, I processed this life event by writing horror.

“Hairs” is a deeply personal story for me. I poured my pain into the premise and the beginning then let the ugly thing sprout legs and sprint into the horrific. I cried as I wrote it and when I read it. Yet, by the end, I do feel better, more settled.

Find “Hairs” on 96th of October, and let me know what you think of this slice of my hell.

There is more hair in the sink. There is always more hair in the sink. And in the shower. And in the drain. And in my hands. And everywhere. Tumbleweeds of hair across the tile. Webs of hair embedded in the carpet.

And I feel like I lose a piece of myself in every strand.

http://96thofoctober.com/articles/hairs/

Christina Bergling

https://linktr.ee/chrstnabergling

Like my writing? Check out my books!

  • Followers – You never know who is on the other side of the screen. Followers is a mystery and thriller that blends women’s fiction with horror.
  • The Rest Will Come – Online dating would drive anyone to murder, especially Emma.
  • Savages – Two survivors search the ruins for the last strain of humanity. Until the discovery of a baby changes everything.
  • The Waning – Locked in a cage, Beatrix must survive to escape or be broken completely.
  • Screechers – Mutant monsters and humans collide in the apocalyptic fallout of a burned world. Co-authored with Kevin J. Kennedy.
  • Horror Anthologies

Redefining Success

Posted: August 14, 2023 in horror anthologies, writing
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The past week, I have been reading (listening to) Inside the Indie Horror World. Narcissistically, yes, my essay “Double-edged” is included, and I wanted to hear my own words read to me. However, the book is full of pieces from many other authors (some I know, some I didn’t), and it really has me thinking.

It is no secret (since I publicly publish it here on this blog and on my socials) that I have been struggling lately. With my health, with life in general, and (for the purposes of this blog) with my writing. In “Double-edged”, I talk about the ways being a published author is not exactly what I expected or dreamed about. As I discuss in “Compromise“, I have been grinding at writing since I got published; then I just broke.

But this book, all these insights from other authors in the same world, has me adding more shades of gray into my black/white mentality. It has me redoing exercises in my head that I did early in my career. Specifically, I am ruminating on how I am defining my success. I am mulling over what I want in the short term, right now in this unexpected time.

My main, grand goal for my writing has not changed. Publish things and be read. That’s it. However, I think my mind had constructed this linear, ascending path for my career. Big then bigger, more then MORE. Taking a step back, I don’t know that my career needs to be cumulative. I don’t think I need to achieve arbitrary milestones.

Publish and be read.

When I decided to compromise with myself, the words returned. In force. I have plenty to write. I need to reassess and pivot on what happens after it’s done. I need to start fresh on the publication and promotion front.

What do I consider success there?

Publication is being published, obviously. But perhaps I need to include a positive, supportive relationship with my publisher. Perhaps finding a good fit is the success.

Promotion equals sales, again obviously. Promotions have changed since Savages. And those changes have frustrated and discouraged me. I miss finding and communicating with readers the way I used to. Perhaps success is finding new ways to connect with readers and community that I don’t hate. Perhaps success is getting creative without having to pay for every bump in exposure or spend countless hours creating materials.

Success will be finding sustainable things that don’t stress me out and dry up my inspiration.

Inside the Indie Horror World reminded me that those things are out there, that the industry is never just one way. There is no one path to one success. It is something I’ve always known, but after taking a few hits, I needed to be reminded. I needed a mental reset.

Now, onward. I have 2.5 novels that aren’t going to finish themselves…

Christina Bergling

https://linktr.ee/chrstnabergling

Like my writing? Check out my books!

  • Followers – You never know who is on the other side of the screen. Followers is a mystery and thriller that blends women’s fiction with horror.
  • The Rest Will Come – Online dating would drive anyone to murder, especially Emma.
  • Savages – Two survivors search the ruins for the last strain of humanity. Until the discovery of a baby changes everything.
  • The Waning – Locked in a cage, Beatrix must survive to escape or be broken completely.
  • Screechers – Mutant monsters and humans collide in the apocalyptic fallout of a burned world. Co-authored with Kevin J. Kennedy.
  • Horror Anthologies

Myselves

Posted: August 7, 2023 in real life
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My mind has been a shifting and unfamiliar labyrinth lately. I used to understand my brain chemistry, defective though it may be. The rollercoaster track was familiar. However, events and illnesses have shaken everything up. I have plunged into a new darkness, groping and feeling along the walls to find my way.

With that, my writing rhythm has been shattered. I have had stories pour out of me. Then I have had the words, even thoughts in general, dry up completely. As I talked about in Compromise, I am trying to just go with it.

Since the novel inspiration has abandoned me for the moment, I turned the words to therapy homework.

My therapist told me I need to integrate my self with my body, creating one holistic me. However, when I was struggling through a hike, I realized that the fragmentation of my self into myself and its shell is functional. It has been self-preservation.

I don’t know when exactly I compartmentalized my body from my larger self, severed the idea and made it an other. Likely, the crack started and spread when my eating disorder took root in my mind. A tumor with tendrils burrowing and branching into the deepest parts of me. It happened quietly, a trench opening under that dark ocean of poison.

When my body was never what I wanted or what I was told it should be, I changed from a part of me to this defective, unsatisfactory thing I was forced to reside within. This toxic idea was just another damaging symptom of the disease and served no purpose but to make it worse.

As the years passed, it wasn’t just appearance and horrendous self-image. There was injury. There was illness. My body came with increasing limitations and shortcomings. It became harder to live in the shell. Whereas deciding my body was something else because I didn’t like it made it worse, separating myself from its frustrating and disappointing home let me take a step back from the pain.

My body had the broken hip that took running from me and kept me writhing in pain for years. I didn’t give up. My body is the ugly bald freak with hideous tufts of wayward hair. I am not that gross. My body is ill with relentless new and unexplained symptoms. That’s not what’s wrong with me.

I’m not that dreaded reflection waiting for me in the mirror. That’s just where I am stuck living.
It has given me a degree of separation from all of these things that make me miserable. I am already trapped within them, bound up in their side effects and constraints. Thinking of it happening to just my body reduces the ownership. I can hate my body without having to roll my full self into the package.

Coping mechanism.

But is it helping?

On the one side, my brain started doing this for a reason. It offers a degree of pragmatism. It insulates me from what my body is. This allows me to be the victim in the dynamic, allows me to baby myself and turn all my rage and angst at my body. Because there is nothing else to blame in these situations.

Yet, on the other, it turns me against my body. All of my negative feelings are poured onto my own flesh. I do not care for my body because it is the enemy in all this. It does not do what I ask. It consistently fails me. I punish my body for all of it. I am burning down my own house.

So, at this point in my journey (hopefully halfway through), what should I do?

I have hated my body for decades, and it has made me miserable and insane. But it has also elevated me out of the bottom of these depressions. Do I keep myself guarded, hiding my most tender self? Or do I finally integrate and face what I would need to accept? I honestly don’t know which is better.

I fear it would take a lot for my body to forgive me after all these years of blame and abuse. Often, I think all that is happening with my physical body and health is a final revolt on the part of the flesh. I never appreciated or cared for it, so now it gives me what I deserve.

But even in this musing, I put myself and my body at odds. I have wrong it; it has punished me. If I am ever going to attempt another approach, my brain needs to break that binary.

Can we be one? Can I truly adopt these problems, make them mine rather than what is happening to me, and care for them?

It feels like surrender, acquiescence. Even though my efforts have amounted to nothing in years, it feels like giving up, and it feels like things will get worse if I do. I don’t want to accept living in this body, but will it make it easier if I do?

I need to try something because this is currently not sustainable. As my body (or I) encounter more challenges and physical setbacks, I can’t turn more aggressively on myself. My body won’t give me peace lately, so maybe I need to make peace with my body.

Christina Bergling

https://linktr.ee/chrstnabergling

Like my writing? Check out my books!

  • Followers – You never know who is on the other side of the screen. Followers is a mystery and thriller that blends women’s fiction with horror.
  • The Rest Will Come – Online dating would drive anyone to murder, especially Emma.
  • Savages – Two survivors search the ruins for the last strain of humanity. Until the discovery of a baby changes everything.
  • The Waning – Locked in a cage, Beatrix must survive to escape or be broken completely.
  • Screechers – Mutant monsters and humans collide in the apocalyptic fallout of a burned world. Co-authored with Kevin J. Kennedy.
  • Horror Anthologies

Compromise

Posted: June 26, 2023 in real life, writing
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It has been a LONG TIME! I have been distracted by many things, most of which reside inside my mind. My life lately has been a bit like a slow-sinking ship. I stop leaks to have new ones spring. In order to stay afloat, all nonessential things have been tossed overboard.

But I am still above the surface. Some days more than others. I am patching leaks and bailing water.

As I have been juggling my life to remain functional, I have relented to compromising. Which is not something I do well. With circumstances. With my life. With myself. And, for the purposes of this blog, with my art.

As a writer, I have waves of inspiration and motivation and also of frustration and struggle. All are phases and usually correlated to what is happening to the rest of my life. But off balance and shuffling around the pieces of my life, I mused on my writing.

I have been grinding hard on writing since working on my first novel (Savages). Yet that story tore itself out of me, so I had little choice, and it took little effort. However, once it went under contract, it became all work, and it has not stopped.

After Savages, that publisher (now defunct) wanted another novella right away. So I cranked out The Waning. The Waning began as flash fiction. I wrote the short piece and was going to just set it aside, but instead, I worked to tease it out into a longer work.

Yet this (and the publisher’s author training) set a pace. Write a certain number of words a night. Always have something in work. Always have something releasing. Keep producing. Keep publishing. It created the necessity to always get something out then start something new.

And it worked. In those nine years, I have published five books and 20 shorts.

I have no complaints about being prolific. Honestly, I am quite proud of what have I have been able to produce while holding down a day job and raising a family and entertaining an unhealthy amount of hobbies. I am even more proud to produce enough to be accepted and published by various publishers.

Yet, the grind of writing is never the writing. The writing is the easy part.

The labor is the editing, submitting/querying, and promoting. It is A LOT of work and necessary to keep producing and publishing. It is daunting and lacks the joy of creation. It can also be disheartening. Rewrites, rejections, low sales, unsuccessful events. When it is successful (read: sales), it is exhausting. When it is not, it is exhausting and heartbreaking.

So when life turned upside down and left me piecing myself back together, I realized, I don’t have to do this. I don’t have to always have a WIP. I don’t have to always be releasing something. I don’t have to grind.

It seems simple, obvious. Yet I had to realize it.

I had this epiphany when I had to set all things aside for a moment. When I returned, it allowed me to approach the craft how I used to. I wrote what I wanted. I wrote when I was inspired. I followed the art.

And I did. I just wrote. It flowed out easily. I had plenty of emotion to fuel it.

So, now, I am building a library of unpolished content. I have 2.5 novels written. One is going through critique group, but the others are just hanging out. It gives me a touch of overachiever anxiety, yet it is also liberating to not need to do anything with it. I can write to heal myself. I can write to make myself happy.

And I can worry about what to do with it later.

I don’t want to quit authoring or striving or grinding even. But I did need this breath and this reset. I have repurposed my art back to its original purpose. For me.

It can be about more later.

Though even as I write about taking this step back, I have just had three shorts picked up in the past couple months.

I contributed an essay to Inside the Indie Horror World. I wrote about how my experience being published is not all I expected and how much of it is double-edged.

Coming soon, I have a short prequel to my unpublished novel about Viking monsters and a deeply personal bit of body horror about hair loss.

So maybe I can do both.

Christina Bergling

https://linktr.ee/chrstnabergling

Like my writing? Check out my books!

  • Followers – You never know who is on the other side of the screen. Followers is a mystery and thriller that blends women’s fiction with horror.
  • The Rest Will Come – Online dating would drive anyone to murder, especially Emma.
  • Savages – Two survivors search the ruins for the last strain of humanity. Until the discovery of a baby changes everything.
  • The Waning – Locked in a cage, Beatrix must survive to escape or be broken completely.
  • Screechers – Mutant monsters and humans collide in the apocalyptic fallout of a burned world. Co-authored with Kevin J. Kennedy.
  • Horror Anthologies

The Drawer

Posted: February 1, 2023 in writing
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For the first time in my career, I am considering putting one of my stories in the drawer.

The drawer is a metaphor writers use to describe where they put unfinished manuscripts, incomplete stories, and abandoned books. It is where you put the works you have given up on. Works go stale in the drawer, if they ever see the light again.

I love the novel I have on the chopping block. However, I am concerned that my intentions will not come across properly and that will undo the book. In my mind, the story works, but my faith on whether it will do the same in the world is shaky.

The intention of the book, what I think the story is about is exploitation. The many levels and layers of exploitation. Female exploitation to include suppression and forced prostitution. Racial exploitation like colonization and slavery. Family exploitation like abuse.

I did not feel I had the knowledge or license to tackle historical fiction or even fiction about these issues set in the real world. I definitely do not know enough to capture the experience, and I lack the generational experience. It’s not mine.

However, large parts of my story are influenced by these things. I have reactions to them, and I have things to say about them. So I created a fantasy world very similar to our own, where I wasn’t trying to capture how people felt in real world events but instead having them react to events I concocted. I wanted to be in control so I wasn’t trying to walk in the skin of real people. But what I created does mirror the real world–and not subtly.

My protagonists aren’t “white” because I didn’t want a white savior story. The core of the story is two young girls, socially invisible and powerless in a corrupt place.

However, colonization and slavery are in my narrative in hopes of paining how evil and perverse the exploiters are. The same with how they treat the girls and anyone unlike themselves. I won’t bother to deny that the people and situations are modeled after the real world, a real past I did not live.

Such is fiction.

I have struggled with which details to lift and how to personify these people. I didn’t want to make them purple or some true fantasy color. I didn’t want to invert the skin color of our world, as if to say it would be the same if the shoe was on the other foot. I also didn’t want to avoid racial differences as if I was shying away.

I have thought about all these things, debated all these things in my mind. I just don’t know how I want to approach them while still expressing my story. It took root in my mind for a reason, and I don’t want to lose it in an attempt to tread softly.

My doubt is that the text and its interpretation will not match my intentions. I fear it will come across as appropriating. My definition of appropriation is taking experiences or cultures for your own benefit. Trying to get published and sell books definitely would be to my benefit.

But if topics become off limits, how far away is that from censorship? Can parts of fiction belong to people? Can we always infer the writer’s social commentary? I know what my statement is, but it can never read that way to everyone. Where is the balance?

Of course, I have the deep seeded desire to be told I’m a good white person, that I’m different that all the bad ones. But I know I’m not owed that, that no one is obligated to pat me on the head and pacify me. This internal debate here is not me asking permission; this is me trying to process things “aloud”.

Between being a woman and often working in sectors still dominated by men and trying to explain racial inequity to my mixed children, this idea was born. With no intentions or agendas. Yet in this stage of revisions, I have to evaluate the novel from other points of view.

Christina Bergling

https://linktr.ee/chrstnabergling

Like my writing? Check out my books!

  • Followers – You never know who is on the other side of the screen. Followers is a mystery and thriller that blends women’s fiction with horror.
  • The Rest Will Come – Online dating would drive anyone to murder, especially Emma.
  • Savages – Two survivors search the ruins for the last strain of humanity. Until the discovery of a baby changes everything.
  • The Waning – Locked in a cage, Beatrix must survive to escape or be broken completely.
  • Screechers – Mutant monsters and humans collide in the apocalyptic fallout of a burned world. Co-authored with Kevin J. Kennedy.
  • Horror Anthologies

2022 in Review

Posted: December 31, 2022 in real life
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
2

Fuck 2022.

2019 was an unpleasant year for me. Since then, every year has leveled up the bullshit. Even having the audacity to make things global.

This post is brief and mostly pictures because much of it is personal and tender bruises to poke. I also just don’t want to talk about it. This year could largely be summarized by dance and medical adventures. With a lot of life sprinkled in between.

I hit the last year of my 30s. It feels like the pandemic swallowed half the decade. I celebrated with goats and yoga.

I attended Telluride Horror Show, of course. The festival was great. However, the experience resulted in some family drama. I have always had tense and complicated relationships with my close family. I was taken off guard when the same sort of issues arose in my chosen family. It hit harder. But I guess people and core dynamics are all the same.

I returned to a bit of horror modeling, which felt like an old glove sliding on.

I danced and performed a lot, basking in expression and community. I’m not very good, but I do keep finding a spot on the occasional lineup. The events at Club Q hit very close to home, a place I know and have danced at, a community I’m a part of.

And more than me, my family is constantly dancing. It’s a lifestyle for us.

I have had a sprinkling of minor health issues for a while. However, they seemed to culminate this year. They have developed from insignificant and inconvenient to barging into my daily life. I don’t want to go into a detailed medical history, but so many acute conditions have taken over.

I’ll write about it later, but the most recent and noticeable is losing my hair. It has been more traumatizing than I realized it would be.

As part of these health changes, I lost many of my coping mechanisms (unhealthy as they may have been). So I dealt with ink therapy. Getting tattoos seemed to be a way to exercise some control over my body again.

Author-wise, I did finish another novel (using NaNoWriMo to focus) and worked on the previous. I wrote a few short stories. “Enjoy Your Show” is published in The Horror Collection: Sapphire Edition. “Elves Watching” is up on Meghan’s Haunted House of Books.

So pretty productive for a shit show year.

I also finally got back out there and did some vending and signings. None were wildly successful, but I did see more action than most of them.

There were plenty of bright spots in a dark year, plenty of life and memories being made amidst the stressors. I told myself over and over during the year to not let the bad things take over, to not let them steal this time from me that I would never get back. I’m not sure how successful I was, but I did try.

I know the new year is just an arbitrary date on the calendar we made it, but that doesn’t mean I can’t treat it like a fresh start, year after year, and hope it actually takes one year.

Christina Bergling

https://linktr.ee/chrstnabergling

Like my writing? Check out my books!

  • Followers – You never know who is on the other side of the screen. Followers is a mystery and thriller that blends women’s fiction with horror.
  • The Rest Will Come – Online dating would drive anyone to murder, especially Emma.
  • Savages – Two survivors search the ruins for the last strain of humanity. Until the discovery of a baby changes everything.
  • The Waning – Locked in a cage, Beatrix must survive to escape or be broken completely.
  • Screechers – Mutant monsters and humans collide in the apocalyptic fallout of a burned world. Co-authored with Kevin J. Kennedy.
  • Horror Anthologies
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