Fiery Pen

If I were to manufacture a hell for someone with body dysmorphia and/or an eating disorder, it would be this. It would be an ill-defined, easily denied health problem (likely caused by damage from decades of the eating disorder).

That removes the ability to affect that hated body.

That makes it so no matter how they starve or purge or work, the weight packs on with no explanation.

That turns those hallucinated pounds into reality then adds more.

That steals the lie from the dysmorphia then steals their hair.

That compromises every objection to the hate flowing through their mind.

That makes the mirror more unbearable than when the cutter waited there.

That they blame themselves for, just like everyone else.

That traps them in their own skin, steadily drowning in the increasing weight of their flesh.

That is only outweighed by the humiliation of losing to whatever this is.

That has no treatment or cure.

That has no stillpoint to accept.

That makes them dearly miss the time when it was just dysmorphia’s distortions and eating disorder’s demands.

That makes it seem like they were so much happier when they just hated themselves.

That makes them want to cut just to exert some control over their body again.

That makes them want to end things not to die but to be out of this broken vessel.

Sorry. We’re here again. Alopecia flared and took all my hair again.
Side effects and backsliding. And dark feelings.

Christina Bergling

https://linktr.ee/chrstnabergling

Like my writing? Check out my books!

• Followers – You never know who is on the other side of the screen. Followers is a mystery and thriller that blends women’s fiction with horror.
• The Rest Will Come – Online dating would drive anyone to murder, especially Emma.
• Savages – Two survivors search the ruins for the last strain of humanity. Until the discovery of a baby changes everything.
• The Waning – Locked in a cage, Beatrix must survive to escape or be broken completely.
• Screechers – Mutant monsters and humans collide in the apocalyptic fallout of a burned world. Co-authored with Kevin J. Kennedy.
• Horror Anthologies