After having surgery this month, I spent an unprecedented amount of time on the couch. Yes, I used this time to catch up on writing blogs and movie reviews, BUT ’tis the season for holiday horror.
Allow me to present the 12 Days of Christmas Horror, twelve horror movies I indulged in this holiday season. I tried to travel the globe a bit like St. Nick here, taking in the naughty and the nice. The Scandinavians still have holiday horror nailed. This is just a sampling of the wonderful, horrible fruitcake of festive horror out there, but enjoy what you will and Happy Holidays!
1. Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)
I decided to start strong with Silent Night, Deadly Night. I didn’t discover this gem until a couple Christmases ago, and I haven’t had the heart to indulge the rest of the slasher franchise. We all know how the 80s slasher franchises took a nosedive after the first installment.
After his parents are murdered by a man dressed as Santa Claus, Billy is raised (and abused) in a Catholic orphanage. Christmas and Santa haunt Billy into his teenage years. When Billy is asked to dress up as Santa at his toy store job, he finally snaps. With customary 80s gratuitous violence and nudity, Billy slashes his way through his issues.
Santa’s Verdict: Nice
2. The Children (2008)
Visiting your family over the holidays is often unpleasant when you’re an angsty teenager, but it is made much worse when your younger siblings and cousins are infected with a virus. A virus that drives them to kill all the family around them. The Children is a British thriller than plays on the innate terrifying nature of children and the pressure we all feel at family holidays. The violence is a fantastic mix of graphic and suggestive that leaves you wondering what you’ve seen and what you imagined. But any time a movie kills children, it’s a guaranteed jaw drop.
Santa’s Verdict: Nice
3. Krampus (2015)
A festive horror comedy, Krampus is a family favorite in our house. When family time causes Max to lose his Christmas spirit, the monstrous Krampus arrives to punish one and all. The movie has just enough fright to get my kiddos to jump and plenty of ridiculous comedy.
Santa’s Verdict: Nice
4. Better Watch Out (2016)
Luke has the hots for his babysitter and a plan to make a move in this home invasion thriller with a twist. The movie is flawed but entertaining enough. It makes me think Home Alone as a horror movie. I always wanted to see what would really happen if you flung a paint can at someone’s head. Better Watch Out offers a pretty detailed portrait of young white entitlement gone psychotic.
Santa’s Verdict: Nice
5. Dead End (2003)
Dead End might be a stretch as a Christmas horror movie, but it is a horror movie set on Christmas Eve so I’m counting it. On their way to the grandparents, the Harringtons take an unplanned shortcut that ends in disaster. The French horror balances family drama, horrific deaths, and light humor. I particularly enjoy the ending.
Santa’s Verdict: Nice enough
6. Red Christmas (2016)
The sins of the mother come home on Christmas Day in this Australian Christmas horror. Diane has managed to gather her estranged family together for the holiday, but she never anticipated being joined by a cloaked stranger claiming to be the child she attempted to abort 20 years prior. The premise and acting are ridiculous (and also horrible), but the gore is on point.
Santa’s Verdict: NAUGHTY
7. Black Christmas (1974)
The original Black Christmas is often cited as one of the first slasher movies and definitely credited with launching the subgenre. I know it’s the first killer POV that really sticks out in my mind since the shower scene in Psycho. This movie is a holiday and horror classic that I think still holds up today.
Santa’s Verdict: Nice
8. Black Christmas (2006)
Oh, early 2000s horror, what a mangling you did on this remake. The Black Christmas remake scarcely preserves the premise of the original then drops the rest of the film into early 2000s horror tropes. Mental institute escape, check. Dumb hot girls, check. Unnecessary killer backstory, check. It’s more of a gorefest (and obsessed with eyeballs) than the original, but otherwise, it falls entirely short.
Santa’s Verdict: Naughty
9. Sint (Saint) (2010)
We discovered this Dutch Christmas horror last year, and it immediately joined my mandatory seasonal viewing. Sint paints a very different portrait of St. Nicholas as a murderous bishop who takes and punishes rather than leaving presents. The horny teenagers give it a very Halloween vibe to begin with, but then it launches off into its own Amsterdam Christmas, ghost revenge carnage.
Santa’s Verdict: Nice
10. Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010)
In the Finnish province Lapland, a British research team uncovers the tomb of something ancient, something that can slaughter hundreds of reindeer and rob Pietari and his father of their livelihood. They attempt to trap the wolf that killed their income but discover something else instead. Rare Exports is smart Finnish horror that provides an excellent rendition of a much more feral and evil Santa Claus.
Santa’s Verdict: Nice
11. Santa’s Slay (2005)
Santa is not really a good-hearted elf. Instead, he’s a demon who lost a bet, resulting in him being punished by spreading joy to children for a century. Full of ridiculous celebrity cameos, atrocious one-liners, terrible effects, and awful acting (from actors I have seen act well), Santa’s Slay is the lump of coal in your Christmas horror stocking.
Santa’s Verdict: Naughty
12. Anna and the Apocalypse (2017)
Anna and the Apocalypse mixes a teenage musical with Christmas AND zombies. Anna is just working through her teenage issues with song when the zombie apocalypse drops on top of the holidays with a sharp mix of comedy and gore.
Santa’s Verdict: Nice
BONUS SHORT! Treevenge (2008)
In Treevenge, poor, innocent pine trees are just trying to live out their lives peacefully until a group of violent humans come to mutilate them and tear them from their home. In this wonderfully awful short, the trees take their revenge upon their fleshy oppressors.
Santa’s Verdict: So naughty it’s nice
BONUS! Dead Snow (2009)
OK, Nazi zombies in a Norway is not exactly Christmasy. The characters may even be on an Easter ski trip, but it looks like winter. It is also one of my favorite horror movies, so I’m adding it as another bonus to my 12 days. In Dead Snow, a group of students head to a cabin for a ski getaway when Nazi zombies start popping out of the snow. The film is fantastically gruesome and so much fun.
Santa’s Verdict: Nice
Fiery Pen 