Archive for the ‘writing’ Category

Well. It has been another year. An eventful one at that.

I published Red Walls (twice) in addition to a couple shorts. I did book signings and events, presented at Colorado Festival of Horror again. It was a wild ride, overshadowed by a lot of grief and stress.

I gave up New Year’s Resolutions a while ago. I was never good at keeping them anyway. At some point, I switched to selecting an intentional word. A goal theme for the year. I have used “healing” and “simplify” in past years.

This year, I’m going with reset.

I chose reset because largely I want to start over. For the past 5ish years, it has felt like one thing after another. The pandemic into severe health issues into half a year of unemployment. There hasn’t really been a break or recovery, and I have been trying to cram in life around the struggles and traumas.

Last year, I lost. I lost people. I lost my job. (That doesn’t even include the everything else that has been happening in the larger world.) And through the grief, I just kept swimming.

This year, I need to make some decisions. What happened with Red Walls has me very in my head about writing and being an author. I thought Red Walls was finally progress on my author journey, but having to start over with it makes that feel less real. I find myself questioning if I should keep fighting my way up this hill.

I had a great time doing so many events and selling books this year. Yet, I don’t feel inspired to pursue more of it. Have I really changed, or is this depression (symptom: loss of interest or pleasure in things once enjoyed)?

I have read some amazing books lately. But instead of leaving me inspired, they make me realize that I will likely never attain that level. Is that imposter syndrome or an honest assessment?

All these feelings could easily correlate to depression and burnout. Or they could be a genuine indication that it is time to put the aspiration down. It’s an odd conversation to have with two books coming out in the next year or two and another book and short story currently in draft.

I don’t know how to stop. I don’t know what I want. Beside a reset.

I think I need to stabilize my foundation before I can assess clearly. I was able to take a breath and rest over the holidays, and many things bubbled up and unraveled in that space within me. If I can be healthy and employed, if there can be a moment between traumas (though the world does not seem poised for that AT ALL), maybe I can give myself that reset.

I begin 2026 ambiguous, confused, and undecided. But I am choosing to rebrand that as flexible. I am choosing to draw an arbitrary line through the bullshit construction of time. Everything before is past, and I am resetting myself from it for everything now and after.

At least that’s the 2026 aspiration.


In general, I don’t tackle current events on this narcissist blog endeavor. However, I admittedly feel uncomfortable posting “normal life” stuff (books, signings, performances, etc.) in the face of such a global shit show. I feel compelled to provide some context.

In my teens and early 20s, I was utterly lost. I honestly do not know how I survived. I spent those years in a blur of pain, trauma, mental illness, substance abuse, and self-destruction. Looking back, I have always resented squandering my youth that way. In hindsight, I understand I didn’t know how to do anything else, but that doesn’t change how I have always felt about it.

I apply this to the current doom all around me. I could (very easily) let it consume me, fall apart beneath it. But then I give it all this time. I deny myself joy for things I cannot control or influence.

Instead, I try to do both.

The doom affects me. It scares me, worries me, devastates me. But I try to continue sucking out what marrow of life I can in its shadow. Maybe even more because of the shadow.

It feels weird to be happy when the darkness is all around, but I also find that the darkness gives more reason to appreciate any light. Joy is resistance, and they can’t have mine.

Christina Bergling

https://linktr.ee/chrstnabergling

Like my writing? Check out my books!

  • Red Walls – When Talia’s parents go after the monsters who hurt her, they never expected real monsters.
  • Followers – You never know who is on the other side of the screen. Followers is a mystery and thriller that blends women’s fiction with horror.
  • The Rest Will Come – Online dating would drive anyone to murder, especially Emma.
  • Savages – Two survivors search the ruins for the last strain of humanity. Until the discovery of a baby changes everything.
  • The Waning – Locked in a cage, Beatrix must survive to escape or be broken completely.
  • Screechers – Mutant monsters and humans collide in the apocalyptic fallout of a burned world. Co-authored with Kevin J. Kennedy.
  • Horror Anthologies

Red Walls was my sixth published book. And by my measure, the most successful. In all transparency, I don’t have the exact sales figures for all of my books, but in what I can compare, it was my best launch and absolutely my easiest to sell in person. In the first six months, I distributed 100 copies myself (largely thanks to Horrid, Colorado Festival of Horror, and Horror Writers Association – Colorado featuring it). Maybe not staggering numbers but good for me.

It felt like after over 10 years of publishing books, I had finally caught hold of some of that loft I had been chasing. But, unfortunately, after just seven months, I had to part ways with Graveside Press.

I really liked Graveside Press. I loved their inclusivity and what seemed to be their mission. The editorial team did an amazing job of getting Red Walls cleaned up and formatted beautifully. Honestly, I am not on the inside of much of the drama. I know the entire editorial team left abruptly, and I know I never received statements or payment until I asked for my rights.

When the drama culminated and authors were offered the option to their revert their rights, I did not decide lightly. I am annoyingly and foolishly loyal professionally. I ultimately requested a statement and waited. When I still did not receive one, I took that as my answer and asked for my rights back to Red Walls and the yet unpublished Savage Island (sequel to Savages).

This is not the first time I have had book rights returned to me. Assent Publishing went under completely, returning my first took books (Savages and The Waning). I was able to publish a second edition of both with HellBound Books. This industry is saturated and tumultuous. Aside from the Big 5, it’s hard to tell who will make it and who is legit at all.

The entire thing is just painfully disheartening. As a writer, I ALWAYS have my doubts. Crippling, paralytic doubts. I always wonder if I should stop wasting my time (and TurboTax asks the same question every year). Between struggles like this and the flood of AI into the industry, I don’t know how many more rides I can take on this rollercoaster. I debate the cost/benefit analysis of getting published. Red Walls made me think I had got my answer.

Red Walls was released just days after I was laid off from my day job. With the success of its release, I sold those 100 copies, so I ordered 50 more. They arrived, after the revision of my book rights. I have a pile of books to offload for a book that is moving to a new home. After it’s rereleased, I’ll have to start over on sales, reviews, and contests.

I tried to participate in a 90-day novel writing challenge the past couple months, but I have been working on a sequel to Red Walls, so this drama has been very uninspiring and demotivating. I think I have found my way back into the story, but it was like pulling out my own teeth for a while.

But I am starting over with Red Walls. The editorial team from Graveside Press established their own new house: Dead Fox Publishing. My guts said that the book belonged with the team that brought it to life, so I moved Red Walls over there. The digital version is back online with print to follow shortly. It will look (largely) the same. Thankfully, the rights to the beautiful cover came with it.

The momentum is lost, but the book is not. The motivation is crippled but not killed. I plan to continue on: finish Red Walls 2, release Invisible Girls and Savage Island. Keep going, keep writing… but I needed to bitch a little bit about the journey first.

Christina Bergling

https://linktr.ee/chrstnabergling

Like my writing? Check out my books!

  • Red Walls – When Talia’s parents go after the monsters who hurt her, they never expected real monsters.
  • Followers – You never know who is on the other side of the screen. Followers is a mystery and thriller that blends women’s fiction with horror.
  • The Rest Will Come – Online dating would drive anyone to murder, especially Emma.
  • Savages – Two survivors search the ruins for the last strain of humanity. Until the discovery of a baby changes everything.
  • The Waning – Locked in a cage, Beatrix must survive to escape or be broken completely.
  • Screechers – Mutant monsters and humans collide in the apocalyptic fallout of a burned world. Co-authored with Kevin J. Kennedy.
  • Horror Anthologies

I have exciting news. Some of my favorite news as an author. I HAVE A NEW BOOK UNDER CONTRACT!

My new novel, Savage Island, will be released by Graveside Press 🎉

Savage Island is a direct sequel to Savages, picking up where that book left off. Savages is my first (and favorite) novel. I was often asked if I was going to ever write a sequel to Savages, but I always said no. I wanted to leave the story on the bittersweet open note.

However, inspiration turned me into a liar because Savage Island hit me like a ton of bricks. I tumbled back into that world just as easily as I had the first time. I love this story and these characters.

I can’t wait to show you what’s next for Parker and Marcus at the end of the world.

Christina Bergling

https://linktr.ee/chrstnabergling

Like my writing? Check out my books!

  • Red Walls – When Talia’s parents go after the monsters who hurt her, they never expected real monsters.
  • Followers – You never know who is on the other side of the screen. Followers is a mystery and thriller that blends women’s fiction with horror.
  • The Rest Will Come – Online dating would drive anyone to murder, especially Emma.
  • Savages – Two survivors search the ruins for the last strain of humanity. Until the discovery of a baby changes everything.
  • The Waning – Locked in a cage, Beatrix must survive to escape or be broken completely.
  • Screechers – Mutant monsters and humans collide in the apocalyptic fallout of a burned world. Co-authored with Kevin J. Kennedy.
  • Horror Anthologies

Every book release is different. For Savages, I had a new baby and a toddler. Followers came in the aftermath of COVID. Red Walls, my sixth and newest book, comes at a time of personal turmoil (and honestly, global turmoil but we’ll keep this blog in the microcosm).

The past few months have been an onslaught of traumas and complications. There’s no need to make a laundry list for sympathy. Suffice it to say, it has been enough. The Red Walls release, which I was very excited for after a few years and so much work, landed between tragedy and major stressor. Its joy was nearly eclipsed by the shadows.

I went through all the release motions. The posts, the newsletters, the giveaway. However, I didn’t get to experience and enjoy them as much as I normally would. I would have preferred to give them full attention and indulgence. But survival made demands.

Red Walls is the most beautiful physical copy of all my books, with gorgeous art, an alternate cover on the back, bloody graphics on the pages, and a hardback design. It seriously dazzled me when I finally got to hold it. That elation was a flare in the darkness before being smothered again.

I think Red Walls has also been my most successful release so far. I saw engagement and preorders and post sharing. I was able to secure a good number of ARC reviewers. I saw it out there in the world beyond me. It felt like more of the loft I have always been chasing.

And the reviews… They say to never read your own reviews, but they have been so good. People really like it! And that’s always the dream. More than sales or shares or whatever. The dream is true reader enjoyment. There is no way to gracefully articulate that feeling when a reader really sees your work and it hits with them just as intended. Bliss. Author crack. The dream.

These are all good things. These are AMAZING things. These are things I have been chasing for most of my author career. I just wish my life around me wasn’t drowning out these coveted things.

I want to focus on it; I want to wallow in it. Perhaps the clouds will clear soon enough to shine enough blazing light down to truly focus on it. If nothing else, this release will be memorable. For many reasons.

Christina Bergling

https://linktr.ee/chrstnabergling

Like my writing? Check out my books!

  • Red Walls – When Talia’s parents go after the monsters who hurt her, they never expected real monsters.
  • Followers – You never know who is on the other side of the screen. Followers is a mystery and thriller that blends women’s fiction with horror.
  • The Rest Will Come – Online dating would drive anyone to murder, especially Emma.
  • Savages – Two survivors search the ruins for the last strain of humanity. Until the discovery of a baby changes everything.
  • The Waning – Locked in a cage, Beatrix must survive to escape or be broken completely.
  • Screechers – Mutant monsters and humans collide in the apocalyptic fallout of a burned world. Co-authored with Kevin J. Kennedy.
  • Horror Anthologies

Red Walls may be my sixth book, but this is the first time I’ve commissioned a book trailer to go with one of my books. I have always wanted to, but I lack the skills (and the time).

LJ GrAphix did an excellent job and taking my minimal direction and creating something creepy and engaging. It’s exciting to see my story translated into another medium.

I AM SO READY FOR THIS BOOK TO COME OUT!

Family trauma + vengeance + scary house + MONSTERS

Watch it! Share it! Tell me what you think…

Christina Bergling

https://linktr.ee/chrstnabergling

Like my writing? Check out my books!

  • Red Walls – When Talia’s parents go after the monsters who hurt her, they never expected real monsters.
  • Followers – You never know who is on the other side of the screen. Followers is a mystery and thriller that blends women’s fiction with horror.
  • The Rest Will Come – Online dating would drive anyone to murder, especially Emma.
  • Savages – Two survivors search the ruins for the last strain of humanity. Until the discovery of a baby changes everything.
  • The Waning – Locked in a cage, Beatrix must survive to escape or be broken completely.
  • Screechers – Mutant monsters and humans collide in the apocalyptic fallout of a burned world. Co-authored with Kevin J. Kennedy.
  • Horror Anthologies

Writing has a progression to it. Sometimes, in the best of circumstances. An inspiration becomes an idea. That glimmer is developed into a story. Maybe it gets scaffolded into outline, or maybe it pours out onto the page. A story starts with a draft. Then there are edits and more drafts and more edits and still more drafts and edits. Feedback comes in to polish off the rough edges. Then it is ready for querying and submitting. And if all the steps flow together harmoniously, maybe, just MAYBE, finally it sees publication (which incidentally includes more editing.)

COVID and its aftermath were my season of inspiration and writing. Undoubtedly, the best stages of the entire process. Creation and expression and riding the high of possibilities. And in this particular instance, escapism.

At the end, I had three novels and a bushel of shorts. The yield imprisoned me in over a year of edits (literal hell), followed by months of submitting and querying (hell adjacent depending on the result).

BUT, with all that behind me, I am moving into the next season: RELEASE (another pretty awesome season). The next year or so is going to see my works finally climbing out from the shadows and into the light of the world.

Red Walls

Followers was released in 2021. It has felt so long since I released a book. Four years might not be an eternity, but in publishing (and half of the rest of life), it has felt like it. I am ready to be back at it!

Red Walls is graphic, gory horror with an emotional heart, portraying family trauma as it both unites and almost destroys a family. Plus a scary house! Plus monsters!

I felt like it was time to do a real, full length monster story rather than just shorts. I also have been accused of being soft for horror, so I pulled no punches with the carnage.

Graveside Press is releasing Red Walls on May 9th, 2025, but you can preorder it now.

Horror Shorts

Spliced in with my novel flow, I always manage some short stories. I have at least a couple coming out on the horizon and can only hope more get picked up.

Find “Smolder” in the upcoming Don’t Ask, Ghosts Tell coming from Tundra Swan Press in June 2025.

Find “Break a Leg” in the upcoming Twisted Horrors coming from River Gardner in summer 2025.

Invisible Girls

“Do you ever write things that aren’t horror?” Not until now! Invisible Girls is my first non-horror novel. Dystopian feminist world burning so pretty close but still.

I will officially branch into another genre when Invisible Girls is released by Hybrid Sequence Media in 2026.

I have been waiting so long for this season, reminding myself it would come on the other side of slogging through edits and submissions and rejections. And at this current point in time and history, I need a light to focus on, something that feels good. If nothing else, I want to land on the bedrock of being a creator and putting art out into the world. Fucked up as the world may be.

Christina Bergling

https://linktr.ee/chrstnabergling

Like my writing? Check out my books!

  • Red Walls – When Talia’s parents go after the monsters who hurt her, they never expected real monsters.
  • Followers – You never know who is on the other side of the screen. Followers is a mystery and thriller that blends women’s fiction with horror.
  • The Rest Will Come – Online dating would drive anyone to murder, especially Emma.
  • Savages – Two survivors search the ruins for the last strain of humanity. Until the discovery of a baby changes everything.
  • The Waning – Locked in a cage, Beatrix must survive to escape or be broken completely.
  • Screechers – Mutant monsters and humans collide in the apocalyptic fallout of a burned world. Co-authored with Kevin J. Kennedy.
  • Horror Anthologies

Here we are again. The end of the year. The annual retrospective. It was another challenging year full of fresh hells but also peppered with healing and joy. Perhaps closer to balance than I’ve been in a long time.

Writing

After Followers, I did a lot of producing but not a lot of editing, querying, or publishing. This year, it finally caught up to me. I focused a lot on editing and critique group sessions and made it through my WIP stack (three books) at last! Then I even got around to submitting.

It paid off. Red Walls is under contract with Graveside Press, targeting a 2025 release. Invisible Girls also has a pending contract and potential 2026 release. (Working titles for both, of course).

Unfortunately, Savage Island (Savages #2) has only found rejection so far. The rejection was particularly crushing since Savages is my first and favorite book and the story is very close to my heart. In all naked honesty, it made me want to quit the entire publication pursuit. But I have worked through it and resolved to find Savage Island the right home.

As far as short stories, “Freaks” found a new home in The Horror Collection: Topaz Edition. More rejections on other stories, naturally, but I also had a couple more shorts picked up that will be released in the coming year.

2025 is shaping up to see new work from me out on the pages.

Events

I was quite busy with events this year. From vending to conventions to film festivals, it was horror year round.

I worked several different events, sharing a table with the delightful Mighty Quinn from Wyrd Wanderings. We paired my horror books and razor blade art with old medical texts and Uranium glass from his ghost hunting adventures.

My husband and I had a fantastic time volunteering at Colorado Festival of Horror, and I also spoke on multiple panels over the weekend.

We went to Telluride Horror Show, like every year. Only this year was different as we took our son fresh from the hospital with us.

I did talks and readings and saw a lot of horror movies. I danced and performed.

It was a full year, full of things I love.

Regular Life

Health-wise, this was a year of healing for me. After problems with medication and losing all my hair yet again, I got on a new regime that appears to be working. I have hair again, but more importantly, I am seeing improvement in my labs and symptoms that I have not experienced in years. I feel better. I might even say I feel like myself at times.

We had big traumas this year, but they were easier to navigate being physically stronger and more stable.

Many things were put into perspective for me this year. The most important of which is that, even on the worse day, I have a pretty damn good life. Worth living and worth appreciating.

So, while there are many broken things in the micro and macro-cosms, here we go into the next year.

Christina Bergling

https://linktr.ee/chrstnabergling

Like my writing? Check out my books!

  • Followers – You never know who is on the other side of the screen. Followers is a mystery and thriller that blends women’s fiction with horror.
  • The Rest Will Come – Online dating would drive anyone to murder, especially Emma.
  • Savages – Two survivors search the ruins for the last strain of humanity. Until the discovery of a baby changes everything.
  • The Waning – Locked in a cage, Beatrix must survive to escape or be broken completely.
  • Screechers – Mutant monsters and humans collide in the apocalyptic fallout of a burned world. Co-authored with Kevin J. Kennedy.
  • Horror Anthologies

It has been a long time since I produced a horror short for this blog. The following short hit me like a train in November. Obviously, it is a direct result of my trauma from my son being bit in the face by our dog the month before. So, this season, I give to you a glimpse at one of my demons.


The bubbling Christmas music sounded out of place against the rolling chatter and peals of laughter filling the house. The college party throbbed around me. I perched on an uncomfortable plastic chair by the coffee table, surrounded by strangers in ugly sweaters, crowded by a sloppily decorated tree.

I poured another drink down my throat to sedate my nerves.

I glanced around the circle of the gift exchange. The boy across from me balanced the small, wrapped box on his fingertips, like he didn’t know how to hold it. The drunk sorority girl beside him on the battered couch swayed into him.

“It’s just a present,” she said over his shoulder. Her red velvet skirt was too short for winter. She knocked her bare thigh against him, melting snow slicking from her tall, black boots.

He looked down to the box, awkward in his grip, then suddenly right at me. I stifled a gasp. His eyes were startling, some kind of hazel reflecting the Christmas lights hung around the room. I almost flinched, but for an instant, he looked childlike, lost. Something about the connection soothed me, made me forget that I knew no one at this party.

“My family doesn’t do Christmas gifts,” he said to the blonde, offering the green box with shining red bow back to her. “I didn’t bring one for the exchange.”

“But it’s a Christmas party.” Her intoxication elongated her words. She butted her leg against him again, but he did not lean into the touch. She pushed against the gift, pouting. “Everyone gets a present.”

“Don’t worry, Tyler,” the plaid-clad guy in the armchair said from the end of the coffee table. “I always keep a couple spares for the lame-asses who forget their gift.” Popping up from the chair, he vaulted over the coffee table.

Plaid grinned as he retrieved a larger box covered in snowman paper and pushed it across the table. Tyler watched the present slide to a stop before Blondie snatched it up. I looked at the red gift bag dangling from my fingers, glittered paper stabbing up at me.

“Why doesn’t your family do Christmas gifts?” My question startled me, the alcohol loosening my tongue, blurring my thoughts into clumsy speech.

I winced before looking to him, flush burning through my cheeks. What business was it of mine why his family didn’t celebrate Christmas? Maybe he wasn’t Christian. Embarrassment pounded in my veins enough to dilute the alcohol, but he smiled at me, soft and gentle, a glint in his striking eyes.

“I don’t know if it’s a very festive story.” He dropped his eyes, tilted his head, but his resistance felt hollow. He passed the present between his hands, waiting. “Kind of a buzzkill.”

“No, tell us!” Blondie straightened on the cushion, gripping his bicep.

He didn’t look at her. He looked at me. I stopped breathing and hurried my plastic cup to my lips. His mouth quirked.

“Well,” he began. “If you insist.” He planted his present in front of him on the table and eased back on the cushion to address the circle. “When I was a kid, I got bit in the face by a dog. And it was bad, real bad.”

Blondie gasped beside him, pressing her painted fingernails to her mouth.

Tyler turned his face, exposing his cheek. “Part of my cheek was ripped down. I was hospitalized for over a week, had over 120 stitches. It got infected,” he said. He traced a faint line down his cheek and through the break in the stubble along his jaw. Once he pointed it out, the healed skin winked white in the light.

“You can barely tell.” My thoughts spilled out again.

He smiled fast, running his hand over the faint scars. “My parents could afford good doctors. Young skin heals well,” he dismissed. “And my mom made sure I kept out of the sun and used every cream and treatment they recommended.”

“Did it happen on Christmas?” Plaid interrupted, leaning forward on his elbows, clutching his beer.

The circle contracted around Tyler, the festive chaos around us fading into the background.

“No, no.” Tyler waved the question away. “This happened before Christmas. I was pretty healed by Christmas, out of the hospital, stitches out. We were getting back to normal, except my mom.” He paused a moment, wet his lips. “My mom was messed up about it. It was her dog who bit me. Her rescue. And she loved that dog. Sometimes, I worried that she loved him more than me.” A pained smile twisted his face. “But when we got home from the hospital, she put him down herself. Didn’t even take off her shoes, just took him straight out back, and he was gone. Never shed a tear in front of me.”

The entire circle fell silent. All gifts had been abandoned to the table or the floor around us. The party had ceased to exist as we all leaned in for his words.

Tyler ran his palms down his thighs to his knees, exhaling before resuming.

“So Christmas came around. Our family was big into Christmas, made a thing of it. My parents had this big party every year with their siblings and close friends. The main part was this asshole gift exchange. Everyone got a name and bought that person a joke gift. But not like white elephant.” He poked at the box in front of him. “Like well thought out, personal, and often kind of mean.” He chuckled to himself, smiling at the present. “It was only the adults, and we kids were always so jealous. We wanted to buy asshole gifts too, but our parents said we weren’t ready.”

“Asshole gifts?” Blondie asked, cocking her head like a puppy.

“Like, how mean?” Plaid asked.

“It was about being funny,” Tyler said. “But you had to have thick skin. Like, if you hated something, you were getting that for Christmas. If you did something stupid, you were getting that for Christmas. My aunt fell on the ice one year and got a concussion; my dad bought her ice skates and a helmet.”

The table giggled uncomfortably, unsure where the story was going, not knowing if it was inappropriate to laugh. A smile broke my face, but I took a drink to disguise it, feeling the liquor hum through me.

“So, the Christmas after the bite,” Tyler resumed, “my uncle decided to include me in the exchange. He got me this, like, Phantom of the Opera type mask that covered all my scars, and he painted it to look like a werewolf. Honestly, it was kind of badass.” He smirked, shrugged.

Blondie placed her hand on his forearm, but he didn’t meet her wide, blinking eyes.

“So, your mom was pissed about the mask?” Plaid eased to the edge of the armchair, legs bouncing.

Tyler exhaled in a whistle. “She was so upset.” His tone lowered with his eyes, back to the gift in front of him. “I wanted to be involved so bad. I was the only kid. Even if the mask hurt my feelings, I felt special to get it. I tried to tell her it was fine. I told her it was funny and I loved the mask. But she was livid.” He took a deep breath and let it out slow. “Then my dad made it worse. He told her to calm down.”

We took a collective gasp.

“Oh no,” Blondie said.

He looked directly at me again, and that boyish demeanor surfaced. A boy healing back together after the gnashing teeth of a dog. A child listening to his parents fight. Then it receded behind how handsome he was. My stomach flipped.

“So, what happened?” Plaid encouraged the words with his hands.

“She did not calm down.” Tyler grinned sourly at the present. “She left.” He shrugged, shifting on the cushion. “She messaged that she was taking an uber. But—”

His voiced trailed off, and he found me again. As his eyes watered and glittered, it felt like he could see through me. When his eyes caught mine like this, it felt like he was talking only to me. The intimacy of his sharing. Or it was the rum in my egg nog.

He kept staring into me when he continued. “We never saw her again. She never came home, never called, never got any of her things. Just gone.”

My heart sunk with each word until it burrowed in my belly.

“Wait, what?” Plaid shot to his feet, mouth agape.

“Oh my god.” Blondie grabbed her face.

“I’m so sorry,” I said without thinking.

He kept his eyes on me, calm and clear now. “After that mask, we never exchanged another gift.”

Tears pricked the back of my eyes. The urge to hold him overwhelmed me. My arms insisted I clear the table between us, sweep Blondie from the cushion, and comfort this wounded boy. Yet I just gaped at him with the others.

“Holy shit, bro!” Plaid shouted, swiping fast at his cheek. “What a downer. Now, open your damn present.”

***

The cold walk across campus cleared the echo of the party from my ears, but my brain still thrummed from the cups I had nervously drank after the story. And my proximity to Tyler. Looping my arm through his, he held me close to guide me over the icy sidewalks.

His story had dispersed the circle. Blondie took the hint and stopped slapping her thigh against him, turning her attention to Plaid instead. We rushed through opening the awful gifts unceremoniously.

Our gifts now sat purposefully forgotten on the coffee table at the party. I received a set of straws shaped like veiny penises. He never opened his. The crisply wrapped box remained where he placed it during his story. The story that circulated through me faster than the rum.

I tried not to stare at the side of his face, searching for the scars in the dim light, as he brought us to his room. He kept the lights low, half-hiding from me, except for those shining eyes.

Closing the door behind him, he gathered my face in his hands. He ran his thumbs over my unmarred cheeks, banishing the chill from the night. His eyes, green or gold or maybe blue, caught the light from the window. He kissed me, slow, deep, until my knees wobbled.

“I didn’t finish my story,” he said, low and soft against my lips. “At the party.”

I leaned back to take in his face. Something behind him, something in the shadow by the door shifted. Or I thought it did.

“What do you mean?” I murmured, staring over his shoulder.

He guided my face back to his, drew me closer. “I lied before, when I said I never saw my mom again.”

Anger flared in me, betrayal in how much I had trusted his words and how they felt meant for me, and I jerked back again. The shadow behind him moved, took shape. I closed my eyes, blinked hard, tried to force my vision into sobriety and focus. Taking a step back, I bumped into his bed.

“No, no,” he soothed. Stroking his fingers down my face, he pulled me into him. “It was the first Christmas after. It’s how I knew she was gone, how I knew to stop asking questions.”

This beautiful stranger embraced me, his hands foreign on my back. I saw it behind him. The figure hobbled from the darkness, broken and jerking. Eyes like his found the light and gleamed at me from a mangled face. The flesh of the cheek had been ripped, torn away to expose a line of white teeth. Like it had been attacked by a dog.

“She comes back every year,” he breathed into my ear. Then, still holding me close, he turned to greet her. “Hi, Mom.”

Christina Bergling

https://linktr.ee/chrstnabergling

Like my writing? Check out my books!

  • Followers – You never know who is on the other side of the screen. Followers is a mystery and thriller that blends women’s fiction with horror.
  • The Rest Will Come – Online dating would drive anyone to murder, especially Emma.
  • Savages – Two survivors search the ruins for the last strain of humanity. Until the discovery of a baby changes everything.
  • The Waning – Locked in a cage, Beatrix must survive to escape or be broken completely.
  • Screechers – Mutant monsters and humans collide in the apocalyptic fallout of a burned world. Co-authored with Kevin J. Kennedy.
  • Horror Anthologies

Horror is a genre about trauma. Whether it is the fictional trauma being inflicted on the characters or the zeitgeist of fear it confronts for us.

At Colorado Festival of Horror 2024, I participated in two panels on the horror genre and trauma. Both sessions were so compelling and cathartic for me that I needed to share some thoughts here.

Horror can be a way of coping with trauma both by ingesting it and by creating it. In both cases, horror allows you to interact with or process something scary or hurtful in a “safe” environment. You are on your couch; you know the screen or the page cannot really hurt you. You can experience all those emotions knowing how it will safely end. Not unlike exposure therapy.

For me, it is definitely that, but it is also more. The awful things I see in horror help normalize how I am feeling, make me feel less alone in my pain. Horror also provides a worse-er scenario, which helps me keep my reality in perspective.

People often have “comfort horror”, stories they revisit in times of stress or pain. From the outside, it may seem odd to find solace in something terrible. However, when you unpack the movie and discover what resonates with you, you will often find it hits on something personal. Maybe it lets you control the situation. Maybe it lets you re-experience things knowing how it ends. Maybe it shows you a character like you surviving or being vindicated. But something in that horror is a salve to your wound.

For the panel, I had to think about my comfort horror movies. And why they are therapeutic to me. I came up with:

  • Scream: Aside from this being my first horror movie and introduction to the genre, Scream definitely hits something for me. When I stopped to actually consider it, I realized it is the deceit, the betrayal. Sidney’s friends lie to her, work against her, try to hurt her, but once she figures it out, she survives. And kills them all.
  • You’re Next: The same as Scream, You’re Next introduces a final girl who is being lied to and used. Yet when she fights for her life, it is her intelligence that keeps her alive.
  • Revenge: Rape revenge is pretty self-explanatory. I usually find this subgenre very triggering (Irreversible, Last House on the Left, etc.). Yet this one was different. I attribute the distinction to the female filmmaker (Coralie Fargeat). After Jen is assaulted and left for dead, she returns almost supernaturally in her vengeance.
  • A Nightmare on Elm Street: Nightmares and night terrors brought me to the horror genre. Seeing scary things outside my mind made me feel more normal. There was comfort in not being alone, in seeing what my mind mapped every night on external landscape. Watching Nancy confront her nightmares and ultimately defeat them in a way I never have soothes me.

Reading horror hits me even harder. In the past few months, I have been crying my eyes out over multiple books. American Rapture by CJ Leede, I Was a Teenage Slasher by Stephen Graham Jones, Lone Women by Victor Lavalle, The Angel of Indian Lake (the entire trilogy) by Stephen Graham Jones, The Reformatory by Tananarive Due, Maeve Fly by CJ Leede… to name a few.

More than watching or reading, more than anything, creating horror is how I deal with my trauma. I have always written about my pain from journaling to blogging to essays to stories and books. It is more effective for me than any therapy I have tried (and I have tried many). Sometimes, the trauma is the inspiration, sometimes the thread, sometimes the whole damn story.

Tour my horror library with me:

  • How to Kill Yourself Slowly: The first thing I ever published. I wrote this satirical essay for a nonfiction class in college. All my trauma packaged up into one catty rant.
  • Savages: My first and perhaps my best book. Going to Iraq as a contractor deeply affected me. It changed how I saw humanity. I worked that out in this book.
  • “The Last Christmas Dinner” in Collected Christmas: A character based on my mother and maybe what she should have done one unappreciated holiday.
  • “After the Screaming Stopped” in Graveyard Girls: My post-partum story. This one was hard to find a home for. No one wants to look at how ugly and scary those new mother emotions can be.
  • “Personas” in Colorado’s Emerging Writers nonfiction: A deep dive into the many faces and roles of me.
  • “Under the Rapids”, Ink and Sword, Issue 4: I almost drown white water rafting when I was in my 20s. This story covers what I can remember.
  • “Awake” in America’s Emerging Horror Writers: West Region: I had hip surgery to repair a torn labrum. This story confronts how helpless I felt under anesthesia and after the operation.
  • “Hairs”, 96th of OctoberAutumn 2023: I lost my hair to Alopecia multiple times in recent years. In this story, I start there and make it oh so much worse.
  • Followers: Questioning how safe we are on the internet. This book has roots in online stalkers and one I briefly had in Iraq.

Not included on this list are works where I borrowed other people’s traumas. Their experiences served as inspiration for me, but hopefully my resulting work can be therapy for them.

Hairs” and “After the Screaming Stopped” are the most literal examples of me writing out my trauma (aside from maybe Savages where I put myself in a story to change my mind about the world). In both, I took the literal trauma–severe hair loss and post partum depression–as the premise. Then I stretched it, elongated it into something grotesque and horrendous.

And at the end of both (of them all), I felt better. The trauma felt processed and exorcised.

I understand that horror is not for everyone. It is full of terrible things that can be triggering or make people uncomfortable. Even people who do enjoy the genre may not interact with it the same way. However, for me, I have found a way to make it therapeutic. It speaks to my traumas in their native tongue, soothing and hushing them so that I can claim more of myself.

Christina Bergling

https://linktr.ee/chrstnabergling

Like my writing? Check out my books!

  • Followers – You never know who is on the other side of the screen. Followers is a mystery and thriller that blends women’s fiction with horror.
  • The Rest Will Come – Online dating would drive anyone to murder, especially Emma.
  • Savages – Two survivors search the ruins for the last strain of humanity. Until the discovery of a baby changes everything.
  • The Waning – Locked in a cage, Beatrix must survive to escape or be broken completely.
  • Screechers – Mutant monsters and humans collide in the apocalyptic fallout of a burned world. Co-authored with Kevin J. Kennedy.
  • Horror Anthologies

October was a hell of a month. And not in the normal spooky, festive way. Sure, we crammed in a yard full of skeletons and Telluride Horror Show 2024 and horror movie bingo amidst the traumas, but it was truly a struggle.

All of that to excuse the fact that I am woefully behind in providing an update.

I have a new novella (working title: Red Walls) under contract with Graveyard Press for publication in early 2025!

When parents seek revenge against the monsters who hurt their daughter, they never expect real monsters.

I am thrilled and excited to be working with this new publisher and also to finally release a new book out into the world. It has been far too long since Followers.

During COVID, I wrote until I had a backlog of three manuscripts, so I have been in editing hell since then. This is a huge step toward unburying myself from that period.

Additionally, the crowd-funding anthology I was accepted into made their goal, so that book will also be coming out soon. I also have a short appearing in another killer KJK Publishing anthology coming in the new year.

I have more related news that I will release when it’s official. Stay tuned…

Christina Bergling

https://linktr.ee/chrstnabergling

Like my writing? Check out my books!

  • Followers – You never know who is on the other side of the screen. Followers is a mystery and thriller that blends women’s fiction with horror.
  • The Rest Will Come – Online dating would drive anyone to murder, especially Emma.
  • Savages – Two survivors search the ruins for the last strain of humanity. Until the discovery of a baby changes everything.
  • The Waning – Locked in a cage, Beatrix must survive to escape or be broken completely.
  • Screechers – Mutant monsters and humans collide in the apocalyptic fallout of a burned world. Co-authored with Kevin J. Kennedy.
  • Horror Anthologies